133 Funny 'How I Met Your Mother' Quotes That Are Legen...Wait For It...Dary

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
How I met your mother quotes
20th Century Fox Television/ CBS

How I Met Your Mother remains one of the most relatable TV series when it comes to relationships, friendships, and trying to navigate your life between your twenties and thirties, and then forties. Over its nine-season span, the show gave us memorable and instantly-classic quotes that ranged from funny one-liners that made us LOL to sound relationship advice that touched our hearts. In fact, the show was responsible for some of the funniest phrases in recent sitcom history.

And no comedy has ever stretched the answer to a question like this ever before. Although HIMYM was a sitcom it still managed to be filled with romance, mystery, and twist and turns that left you guessing until the end. And honestly, as a viewer, you never really minded because the gang of young thirty-something-year-olds, figuring their lives out, kept you laughing.

We rounded up the best How I Met Your Mother quotes that are definitely legen — wait for it — dary.

Looking for more quotes from classic TV shows? We’ve gathered lines from Friends, The Office, Seinfeld, and more.

  1. “Whenever I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.” — Barney Stinson
  2. “It’s just, eventually, we’re all gonna move on. It’s called growing up.” — Lily Aldrin
  3. “The future is scary, but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes, it’s tempting, but it’s a mistake.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  4. “That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like, ‘Hey bro, I don’t know what you’re eating cause I don’t have any eyes but it’s basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.’” — Marshall Eriksen
  5. “Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.” — Ted Mosby
  6. “I realized that I’m searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is.” — Barney Stinson
  7. “Because sometimes even if you know how something’s gonna end, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride.” — Ted Mosby
  8. “That’s life, you know. We never end up where you thought you wanted to be.” — Marshall Eriksen
  9. “Oh my god, look at you cowards. So afraid of any kind of change. So terrified of anything new. So, so desperate to cling to anything comfortable and familiar.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  10. “A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.” — Barney Stinson
  11. “The three-day rule is a childish, manipulative mind game. But yeah, you wait three days.” — Lily Aldrin
  12. “I get recognized one time, and I start thinking I’m Julia Roberts. I’m no VIP; I’m not even an IP; I’m just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  13. “Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.” — Barney Stinson
  14. “Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.” — Marshall Eriksen
  15. “So really the biggest mistake would be not to make that mistake, because then you’ll go your whole life not knowing if something was a mistake or not.” — Lily Aldrin
  16. “I finally found the one, Marshall. Her name is Bacon.” — Ted Mosby
  17. “The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  18. “I realized that I’m searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is.” — Barney Stinson
  19. “I’ve never asked Lily to do anything ‘no questions asked’ because I never wanted to. She’s the love of my life. I never keep anything from her.” — Marshall Eriksen
  20. “Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen, but you’ve got a huge package.” — Lily Aldrin
  21. “Look, I know the odds are the love of my life isn’t going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait.” — Ted Mosby
  22. “I don’t wanna get married right now, maybe ever, and if we got together, I’d feel like I’d either have to marry you or break your heart, and I just couldn’t do either of those things. Just like you can’t turn off the way you feel.” — Robin Scherbatsky

20th Century Fox Television/ CBS

  1. “Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream, and now I’m old, and I’m a mom, and it’s just too late for me.” — Lily Aldrin
  2. “Whether a gesture’s charming or alarming depends on how it’s received.” — Ted Mosby
  3. “Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh, you take care of me when I’m sick, you’re sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing on the eggs before she cooks them, it’s called Eggs Marshall and it’s awesome. But the main reason is you’re my best friend, Lily. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” — Marshall Eriksen
  4. “If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you’re not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  5. “Maybe this isn’t a breakup. Maybe this is just two friends getting back together.” — Barney Stinson
  6. “Definitions are important.” — Lily Aldrin
  7. “I really don’t like feelings.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  8. “I’m cuddly. Deal with it.” — Marshall Eriksen
  9. “The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she’s 17 years, 11 months old.” — Barney Stinson
  10. “Shouldn’t we hold out for the person who doesn’t just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them?” — Ted Mosby
  11. “We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here, anyway. I haven’t eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now?” — Robin Scherbatsky
  12. “I’m a good boyfriend in my sleep.” — Marshall Eriksen
  13. “Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today.” — Barney Stinson
  14. “Some couples always support each other, and some couples always challenge each other. But is one really better than the other? Yes. Support is better. Way better.” — Future Ted Mosby
  15. “In marriage, being right is less important than being supportive. Remember: Happy wife equals happy life.” — Lily Aldrin

20th Century Fox Television/ CBS

RELATED: 100+ ‘Big Bang Theory’ Quotes That Are Outta This World

  1. “I don’t know where I’m gonna be in five years. I don’t wanna know. I want my life to be an adventure.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  2. “You have to let me dance my own battles.” — Marshall Eriksen
  3. “I used to be in such a hurry all the time. Everything was so urgent. Now I figure, if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen when it happens. I’m not going anywhere; she’s not going anywhere. What’s the rush, right?” — Ted Mosby
  4. “You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.” — Barney Stinson
  5. “Oprah wasn’t built in a day.” — Lily Aldrin
  6. “If you keep giving up on people so quickly, you’re gonna miss out on something great.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  7. “You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.” — Ted Mosby
  8. “Death is all around us.” — Marshall Eriksen
  9. “Article 24: “When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.” — Barney Stinson
  10. “The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you stir into the skid.” — Ted Mosby
  11. “I just want to say from the bottom of my heart… I’m going to kill you.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  12. “You’re my best friend. I don’t need objectivity. I just need your support.” — Lily Aldrin
  13. “I thought I saw Big Foot in the park, so I tackled him.” — Marshall Eriksen
  14. “Kids, when you’re in a new relationship and you’re competing with your ex for who’s happier, it can get ugly.” — Ted Mosby
  15. “Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost, to all the times it was a No instead of a Yes, to all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache.” — Lily Aldrin
  16. “That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome.” — Barney Stinson
  17. “I never wanted that… Of course, it’s one thing not to want something; it’s another to be told you can’t have it. I guess it’s just nice knowing that you could someday do it if you change your mind. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  18. “I’m sorry, when I’m excited I abbreviate words I shouldn’t.” — Ted Mosby
  19. “All hail Beercules!” — Marshall Eriksen
  20. “You’re in your 40s and you have a playbook. That’s the sad part.” — Lily Aldrin
  21. “It’s time to let go of the fantasies. It’s time to grow up.” — Barney Stinson
  22. “Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy?” — Robin Scherbatsky
  23. “Dude… where’s your suit? Just once, when I say “suit up,” I wish you’d put on a suit.” — Barney Stinson
  24. “Happy Slapsgiving!” — Marshall Eriksen
  25. “You can’t just skip ahead to where you think your life should be.” — Lily Aldrin
  26. “If you have chemistry, all you need is one other thing — timing. But timing’s a bitch.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  27. “You can ask the universe for signs all you want, but ultimately we’ll only see what we want to see… when we’re ready to see it.” — Ted Mosby
  28. “ARTICLE 41 A Bro never cries. EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.*” — Barney Stinson
  29. “Well, that answers all the questions I didn’t ask.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  30. “That’s love, bitch.” — Lily Aldrin
  31. “The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do, they’ll also be the things that happen to you.” — Ted Mosby
  32. “That’s right, I’m a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kind of like that pickup line.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  33. I’ve been dreaming of that since I was five. Well, that and my own operational Death Star.” — Barney Stinson
  34. “Why say goodbye to the good things?” — Lily Aldrin
  35. “Here’s the secret kids. None of us can vow to be perfect. In the end, all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we’ve got. Because love’s the best thing we do.” — Ted Mosby
  36. “I love being the person you bitch to.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  37. “Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.” — Barney Stinson
  38. “I got a two-syllable ‘damn’ in this dress.” — Lily Aldrin
  39. “It’s funny, sometimes you walk into a place, you know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” — Ted Mosby
  40. “Nobody asked you, Patrice!” — Robin Scherbatsky
  41. “Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one-quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all — you.” — Barney Stinson
  42. “Yeah, I wasn’t really listening either. Ted can really go on about a bitch.” — Lily Aldrin
  43. “I’m from Minnesota, where there’s plenty of hot-dogs for everyone. Perhaps even too many…” — Marshall Eriksen
  44. “Here’s the thing about mistakes: Sometimes, even when you know something’s a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.” — Ted Mosby
  45. “Oh, come on, ref! I haven’t seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  46. “Your story is so sweet. You didn’t even kiss ’til the third date. By our third date, I hit more bases than Bob Hope on a USO tour.” — Barney Stinson
  47. “Look, you can’t design your life like a building. You just have to live it…and it’ll design itself.” — Lily Aldrin
  48. “Italy doesn’t need something that is wrinkled, red and leaky, and smells like booze and narcotics. They’ve already got former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.” — Marshall Eriksen
  49. “There are two big days in any love story… the day you meet the girl of your dreams… and the day you marry her.” — Ted Mosby
  50. “My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  51. “Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl tonight, the only action you’ll be getting all weekend is a self five, and I don’t mean the cool kind. Self-five! That’s the cool kind.” — Barney Stinson
  52. “The ‘no more surprises’-thing is the best part of being married.” — Lily Aldrin
  53. “The biggest case of my life and I’d already lost the jury. I mean, I’ve heard of Twelve Angry Men, but this was more like ‘Twelve Horny Women.'” — Marshall Eriksen
  54. “If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing anyway?” — Ted Mosby
  55. “By ‘entertainment’ they mean ‘table-shuffle-board’, macramé classes and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhattan to calm down drug-addicts and the criminally insane.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  56. “I’m also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. ‘Der Bro Code’ is, like, huge in Germany.” — Barney Stinson
  57. “Yes, I’m in a rotten mood. No, I don’t want to talk about it. Yes, this has booze in it. No, it’s not my first.” — Lily Aldrin
  58. “One good deed leads to another and another.” — Marshall Eriksen
  59. “Love doesn’t make sense. I mean, you can’t logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do.” — Ted Mosby
  60. “Destined? Aren’t you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? Isn’t it time to make your own destiny?” — Robin Scherbatsky
  61. “The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay… whatever’s more than centuries.” — Barney Stinson
  62. “Sometimes we search for one thing, but discover another.” — Barney Stinson
  63. “But love doesn’t make sense. You can’t logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the biggest thing we do.” — Ted Mosby
  64. “I’ve just been handed a news flash, the word Canada is unrhymable.

It’s easier to, I don’t know, get drunk and try to climb a bull. But Canada damn it, Ask any man on the planet And watch his stammerin’ stamina. As they clamor and cram it into the middle of a sentence, For a shot at repentance, Pass the problem on to all their nonrhyming descendants. I’ve never met anyone who could clean up after Canada Except my uncle Tony from the Bronx He’s a janitor.” — Gus, aka Lin-Manuel Miranda

  1. “I know it’s a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it’s a mistake, but you don’t really know it’s a mistake, because the only way to really know it’s a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say, ‘Yep, that was a mistake.’ So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you’d go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not.” — Lily Aldrin
  2. “If you’re looking for a word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it’s ‘love.’” — Ted Mosby
  3. “It’s not about proof; it’s about faith. Faith is what gives life shape and meaning.” — Marshall Eriksen
  4. “I am Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  5. “Oh right, I forgot. You guys are weird and you pronounce the word ‘out’, ‘oot’.” — Ted Mosby
  6. “Look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs. It’s like we’re the president.” — Marshall Eriksen
  7. “We struggle so hard to hold on to these things that we know are gonna disappear, eventually. And that’s really noble.” — Lily Aldrin
  8. “It’s going to be legen — wait for it — and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant, because the second half of the word is — dary! Legendary!” — Barney Stinson
  9. “Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. It was pretty manly ’til I mentioned Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh?” — Ted Mosby
  10. “You can ask the universe for signs all you want, but, ultimately, we’ll only see what we want to see. When we’re ready to see it.” — Ted Mosby
  11. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. When 2 a.m. rolls around, just go home and go to sleep.” — Ted Mosby
  12. “Sorry, Peter. We’re grown-ups now, we can’t fly to Neverland with you anymore.” — Ted Mosby
  13. “I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?” — Ted Mosby
  14. Robin: “I’m such a mess. Why do you even like me?”

Barney: “I guess, because you’re almost as messed up as I am.”

  1. Barney: “You’re the most awesome person I’ve ever met. Well, second.”

Robin: “Right, first being you.” Barney: “No, actually, it’s this guy I know who lives in something called the mirror.”

  1. “Eight years ago, I made an ass of myself chasing after you, and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. I have no regrets because it led me to something I wouldn’t trade for the world; it led to you being my friend. So, as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car.” — Ted Mosby
  2. “OK, here’s my thing — if gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world’s gonna be doing it. That’s how it works: They start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like… now everyone gets manicures.” — Barney Stinson
  3. “There’s three rules of cheating: One — it’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. Two — it’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. Three — and it’s not cheating if she’s from a different area code.” — Barney Stinson
  4. “We’re going to get older, whether we like it or not, so the only question is whether we get on with our lives or desperately cling to the past.” — Ted Mosby
  5. “This isn’t Barney, but I hear that guy’s awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at MacLaren’s in an hour.” — Barney Stinson
  6. “Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing, we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage.” — Robin Scherbatsk
  7. “Kids!? No! Don’t have kids! The rule is no kids until you’re at least 45. Don’t you EVER read my blog? It’s gotten a lot better.” — Barney Stinson
  8. Lily: “I know what’s bothering you. The cabbie just didn’t look enough like Barney.”

Marshall: “Well, that’s just not true.”

  1. “The never-ending battle of my life. Career vs. romance.” — Robin Scherbatsky
  2. “Let’s just say there were some senior citizens who attempted to “drown” on my watch … and sadly one who did.” — Ted Mosby
  3. “Why is Ellen DeGeneres in our bedroom?” — Marshall Eriksen
  4. “I can’t wait to tell the gang. This is one of those moments you dream about! Guys… Lily and I… are having unprotected sex. I just got the chills.” — Marshall Eriksen
  5. “You guys bangin’? Keep goin’, I’m not even here. But just for the record? Having a baby? Big mistake.” — Barney StinsonWhile How I Met Your Mother is known for its funny antics and hilarious one-liners, it’s the heart of the show that drew fans in over its nine-season run. Luckily, devoted fans have compiled the very best and most emotional moments from the show so we could all shed a few tears together for our favorite characters.
  6. “Let’s look at the facts here. You made us sit down and listen to this story about how you met Mom, yet Mom’s hardly in the story. No. This is a story about how you’re totally in love with Aunt Robin. And you’re thinking of asking her out, and you want to know if we’re okay with it.” — Penny Mosby
  7. Older Ted: [about seeing Robin for the first time] It was like something out of an old movie. Where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor and turns to his buddy, and says, “See that girl? I’m gonna marry her someday.”

Ted: Hey, Barney. See that girl? Barney: Oh, yeah, you know she likes it dirty.

  1. “She doesn’t say ‘I love you’ like a normal person. Instead, she’ll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile, and say, ‘You’re an idiot.'” — Ted Mosby
  2. “Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices — it’s hard. But if it’s the right person, it’s easy.” — Marshall Eriksen

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