45+ Jokes For Hard-To-Impress Teens That'll Make Them Say, 'I'm Weak!'

Raising kids is no joke. It’s hard work. And as they get older, it only gets more difficult. While we parents certainly have a hard time relating to our toddlers, our teens are even more acutely aware of just how “old and out of touch” we are. It’s like they can see the panic in our eyes when we try to start a conversation. And those dad jokes and riddles we used to tell them? Now we only get eye rolls. C’est la vie, oui? At this point in your child’s development, you’re willing to try just about anything to elicit a genuine smile — or, dare you even hope, laughter — from your sullen adolescent. Hey, jokes for teens might do the trick.

Researchers used to believe that, while the brain never stops growing or adapting, the bulk of its neurons were created and then altered (or “pruned”) during a human’s first few years of life. More recent research suggests that another big burst of development takes place in the brains of adolescents. In other words, a lot is happening in those heads. The more independence we give them to figure things out on their own and at their pace, the more they will trust us for advice later in life.

Your best bet as their parent? Find ways to support their independence, inspire their art or creativity, encourage friendships (even if that means a safe-ish party or two), and keep telling those one-liners they swear they don’t find funny. These jokes are especially teen-friendly.

Best Jokes For Teens

1. What kind of fighter never uses his fist, but his weapons are delicious?

A food fighter.

1. Some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them.

Turns out it was just clique bait.

1. How do you drown a hipster?

In the mainstream.

1. How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

1. What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?

R2-Detour.

1. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

1. What did the teen say when he walked into the school?

“Ouch!”

1. What did one wall say to the other wall?

“I’ll meet you at the corner!”

1. Why did the high school girl only answer questions one, three, five, and seven on her exam?

Because she literally can’t even.

1. Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?

They keep breaking out.

1. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?

An envelope.

1. I think my algebra teacher is a pirate.

All she ever wants to do is find X.

1. Have you heard where the word “studying” came from?

Students-dying.

1. What did the French teacher say to the class?

I don’t know — I couldn’t understand her.

1. Why was the math book sad?

He had a lot of problems.

1. Are you free tomorrow?

No, I’m expensive. Sorry.

1. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

1. How do Minecraft players celebrate?

They throw block parties!

1. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

It has a silent pee.

1. What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19?

Quaranteens.

1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s OK. He woke up.

1. How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop it a line.

1. Why did the selfie go to prison?

It was framed.

1. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go.

1. What do a judge and an English teacher have in common?

Sentences — lots and lots of sentences.

1. Why can’t a T. rex clap their hands?

They’re extinct.

1. My high school bully still takes my lunch money.

But on the upside, he makes great fries.

1. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

1. What do pre-teen ducks hate?

Voice quacks.

1. Why did the student eat her homework?

Her teacher told her it was a piece of cake.

1. How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?

You look at the second page of Google search results.

1. Why did the period tell the comma to stop?

It was the end of the sentence.

1. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.

Then it hit me.

1. What is red, orange, and full of disappointment?

High school pizza.

1. Five years ago today, I asked my high school crush out on our first date.

Today, I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no.

1. What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

1. What are two things you can’t have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.

1. What is 47 + 11 + 82 + 161 + 99 + 5?

A headache.

1. What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty? A late boomer.
2. What do you call U.S. college students taking a stroll?

The walking debt.

1. What’s a crocodile’s favorite app?

Snap!

1. What is a cow without a map?

Udderly lost.

1. What kind of key can never unlock a door?

A monkey.

1. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a potato?

Mashed potato.

1. What did the punching bag say to the boxer?

“Hit me baby one more time.”

1. What do you call a vegan post-punk band?

Soy Division.