So, you bailed on a "big event" held by friends, and now you're getting a guilt trip or an eye roll for being so predictable. We've all been there. The truth is you love your friends. You love being with your friends. But you aren't wired the same way socially — some people just don't have the emotional capacity to chat on the phone for hours, or be bubbly through a three-hour baby sprinkle where you're terrified the entire time you'll choke to death on the tiny plastic infant frozen in your ice cube (yaaayy, baby shower games). It can be incredibly draining when you're a mom who constantly has to be there for your partner, your kids, the pets, the plants, and pretty much anything else in your orbit.
But damned if you won't turn up in an emergency with quarters for hospital vending machines or a fully charged drill on day one of a loved one's new DIY project. And, yes, you'll drive 50 miles to BFE to help a friend change their tire because they didn't renew their roadside assistance service. So, does that make you a bad friend? No, Mama. According to TikTok comedian Alexandriaf808, that makes you a "dad friend" — and honestly, this makes so much sense.
“I saw something that said, ‘I’m not a bad friend, I’m a dad friend,’ and I’ve never related to anything more,” starts Alexandria. “Am I gonna text you back in a timely manner? No, I am not. Am I going to remember your birthday? Not a chance in hell. But, you tell me your toilet’s on the fritz, I’ll be over later this afternoon to take a look at it. Call me, tell me that your boyfriend is acting out of pocket? While you were crying, guess what? I looked up a U-Haul company. I put my tennis shoes on, let me grab my ratchet straps, and we’ll have you moved out before he gets back from the gym. Please do not invite me over for a wine and clothing exchange night. I will fake sick and I will not come. But if you’re like, ‘Alex, I need my bathroom painted.’ Cool. Buy me a six-pack of Dos Equis Amber, that sounds like a great night. We’ll have so much fun.”
Feeling like you relate? Same.
The idea is simple: You don't want to party, but you do want to help. If you've ever shown up at a wedding to pitch in with setting up but ducked out before the DJ, you're probably a dad friend. You're also probably a dad friend if your friend says, "He said he'd fix the cabinet door, he didn't, we got into a fight, and now he's gone," and your first reaction is to come and fix the door. Will you talk about her broken heart while you're there? Absolutely. She may even coerce you into margaritas once the job is done. But, first things first, you'll pull your hat on and fix something. Anything.
“I’m just so glad that there’s a term for this now,” Alexandria continues. “‘Dad friend.’ That is me. Just call me when you need something. You don’t have to call me in between. I don’t want to chat. Just call me when you need something. ‘Dad friend.’ I love it.”
Does this mean you always skip nights out or girl chats? Heck no. It maybe just means you’re a problem solver or a doer. You like activities. You like solutions. While you’re moving your friend, you’re still listening to her sob story and planning her revenge. And, yeah, while fixing the drain in the kitchen, you’re probably still catching up from under the sink.
But you need to be useful to your friends. You’re not necessarily great at remembering (or caring about) every little thing that happened since the last time you were together. Still, you love your friends, and you want to help them. That’s kind of the epitome of a stereotypical dad, which makes you a dad friend and definitely not a bad friend.
Someone make shirts!