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A Viral “Missed RSVP” Note Prompts Conversation About Wedding RSVP Etiquette

People were torn on the “tone” of the message.

A wedding expert is causing waves by suggesting brides send out a "missed RSVP" note before their we...
@asianbridesorority / TikTok

One of the more stressful areas surrounding wedding planning happens during that lull after you’ve sent the invitations, tasted the cake, and picked out the dress. It’s those constant trips to the mailbox each afternoon or compulsive e-mail refreshes, hoping to see new RSVP notes from invited wedding guests.

When the RSVP date starts to get closer and closer, those planning a wedding may have feelings of frustration over those who haven’t taken the time to RSVP, possibly even worrying that their wedding invite may have gotten lost in the mail or ended up in a spam folder. Though the latter can be the case sometimes, usually people are just rude or forgetful.

One wedding expert, Nishma Mistry, founder of Asian Bride Sorority, which helps brides plan their south Asian weddings, has a fix for all this RSVP etiquette nonsense.

After posting the “Missed RSVP” note she created on her social media accounts, she asked her followers if this is something they would use if they were planning a wedding.

The note reads: “We’re sorry you can’t make it to our wedding. Our RSVP deadline has passed, and you unfortunately did not respond. We would have loved to have you attend, but final numbers have now been turned in, and your presence will be missed.”

After some traction, several internet users commented on the RSVP note, saying they loved the clear communication. Others, however, thought the note lacked the right tone.

“Sounds passive aggressive,” one user wrote.

“I approve the message but I would have done it orally and called or emailed people a week before the deadline warning them one final time,” another noted.

“I think a phone call would be nicer but if it’s a large wedding this makes sense,” another said.

After getting tons of feedback, Mistry made a follow-up video explaining her idea behind the Missed RSVP note.

“So, I posted this over the weekend, and it's created quite a debate. Some people have been saying that it's passive aggressive, some people are saying it's just plain rude, some people have said it's tacky and I totally appreciate all of these opinions,” she said.

“Some people have said it's not that hard to just call your guests up and to see if they're actually coming and all of these opinions are totally, totally valid.”

She goes on to explain that when people have larger weddings, tracking down every single rogue RSVP is time consuming.

“Culturally, with South Asian weddings, you tend to end up having approximately three to five events across the span of a week, sometimes a couple of weeks and when you have so many events you are also dealing with probably close to 200 to 500 guests,” she explained.

She also says that in today’s high-tech world, RSVPing to anything let alone a wedding should be that difficult.

“In a day and age where you have text message, email, WhatsApp, social media, there are multiple ways to RSVP, it doesn't always have to be a postcard that gets sent back,” she explained.

“And in most cases, I would say people aren't even doing that anymore because they know it's a waste. It's a waste putting a stamp on it and then it doesn't get sent back. So, I think as harsh as this does sound ... I also think if somebody got this they would not forget to RSVP the next time, they would be sure they would RSVP.”

After explaining in more detail her “why” behind the idea of this missed RSVP note, several commenters understood where the idea came from.

“People should RSVP when they are supposed to,” one user said frankly.

“It’s not tacky. It’s respectful,” another said.

“We have over 160+ guests… I’m chasing NO ONE. If they wanted to come, they’d rsvp within the time,” another noted.

Agreed! When an RSVP deadline comes and goes, seat assignments needs to be given. Guest head counts needs to be turned into caterers. And it should not be up to a bride or groom to track down invited wedding guests and say, “Hey, are you coming or what?”

Mistry explained to Scary Mommy where the idea for this missed RSVP note came from, noting that one of her major complaints from the brides she works with always centers around missing RSVPs from invited wedding guests.

“I run a community that has helped over 3,000 brides in the last four years and one of their massive issues is trying to get RSVPs. It's such a stressful time anyway because it's crunch time/ last few weeks leading up to their big day, but I have also heard stories of people just turning up. This leaves no ambiguity. There are various ways this could be written but ultimately the sentiment is ‘you missed the deadline,’” she explains.

After posting the graphic, Mistry says several brides are wanting to use her template.

“It's been amazing to see how many have said they will be using it! So, I would love to see their versions and would love to be sent them or tagged in them,” she says.