Let’s face it: You never turn on the television or radio to hear an announcer excitedly proclaim, “Monday! Monday! Monday!” There’s nothing to be stoked about on Mondays because nothing fun or exciting happens on Mondays. There is a lot of tiresome stuff that happens, though. To start with: You have to go back to work or school. Once you get to the office (which COVID-19 has relocated to your kitchen counter), so much more is expected of you than any other day of the week. You have more emails to catch up on. There are a million meetings and phone calls where someone wants to know, “if you had time to think about that over the weekend.” No! I was trying to relax over the weekend. Why were you thinking about it over the weekend? Mondays come with a ton of pressure which is why they are notoriously hated. After all, there’s an entire genre of motivational Monday quotes to get you from the Sunday scaries to Tuesday morning.
That doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about them, though, right? Sometimes telling a joke about something is the only way to get through. Flat tire? There’s a joke for that. Break up with your toxic boyfriend? There are definitely plenty of jokes for that. Miss your new puppy? Yup. And Mondays are no exception. These Monday jokes are just the right mix of sarcasm and silliness to help get through even the most tedious of chores. (Like that meeting with Development, that could have been an email, Molly.)
- Rolling out of bed on Mondays is easy.
Getting off the floor is much harder.
- One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.
The same as one Monday on Earth.
- Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week.
- When does Monday come before Sunday?
In the dictionary.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Monday. Go Away!
- What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?
Monday morning quarterbacks.
- If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
- Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?
Sunday. Monday is a weekday. We feel weak on Mondays, too.
- Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
- What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
- What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
- What’s the number one thing schoolchildren wish for on Sundays?
A foot of snow by Monday.
- I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
- What’s the saddest part of the week?
- Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at these Monday jokes?
He didn’t find them humerus.
- A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
- God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend.
- What did the cyclops say when he woke up on Monday?
“Eye just can’t go to work today!”
- Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked and now it’s Monday, again.
- How do hens feel on Mondays?
- Why did the cat stay home from school on Monday?
He claimed he wasn’t feline well.
- Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday?
He was a Mondaylorian.
- If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
- What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
“Time to beheaded to work.”
- What’s the worst thing after Friday the 13th?
Monday the 16th.
- Which day of the week are demons most exhausted?
De-Monday, just like the rest of us.
- Mondays aren’t so bad, though.
Only 48 hours ago it was a sadder day.
- What’s worse than a Monday morning quarterback?
- What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
- On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.
It runs until Friday.
- What did the cashew say on Monday morning?
Monday always drives me nuts!
- Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?
He had been Monday laundering!
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