Music soothes even the savage breast (“beast” is a misquote, don’t get mad at me). However, sometimes music — especially when being practiced by tiny, burgeoning musicians who haven’t quite mastered their skills—can give us a headache. Listening to a recorder for an hour has a special way of making you crazy. Music is an amazing tool that helps people feel deep emotions and although a musical joke probably won’t touch your soul like Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight’ Sonata, it could make you smile or even giggle a bit.
But seriously if you played an instrument growing up, sure it may have been fun, but it was also probably a lot of work and grueling hours. We can help you bury your trauma with a bunch of jokes that poke fun at the world of music. And if you don’t laugh your little munchkin definitely will, which is always music to everyone’s ears. See what I did there? The jokes are starting already! Have the kids stop tickling the ivories for a moment and tickle their funny-bones instead with these clean, kid-friendly music jokes. Your pounding noggin will appreciate the break.
Need some more music in your life? Check out our infant songs and more.
1. How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
2. How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
3. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
4. Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
5. What type of music are balloons afraid of?
6. What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
7. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
8. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
9. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
10. What do you call a musical insect?
11. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
12. What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
13. What makes songs, but never sings?
14. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
15. Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
16. What’s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band.
17. Which elf was the best singer?
A. ELFis Presley.
18. What kind of music do bunnies like?
19. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
20. Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
21. Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
22. What makes music on your head?
23. What part of the turkey is musical?
24. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
25. What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
26. What is the musical part of a snake?
27. Where did the music teacher leave his keys?
In the piano.
28. What types of songs do planets sing?
29. What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
30. What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
31. Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
32. What did the robbers take from the music store?
33. What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
34. What song do tornados like?
35. What has a neck, but no head?
36. What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?
37. What’s green and sings?
38. Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
39. What’s the most musical bone?
40. What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
41. What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
42. Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
43. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
44. Why was the former conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic always first off the plane?
He only had Karajan luggage.
45. Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
46. How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
47. How can you tell if a singer’s at your door?
They can’t find the key and don’t know when to come in.
48. Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
49. What musical keys do cows sing in?
50. Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
51. Want to hear the one about fermata?
Wait, it’s too long.
52. Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
53. What do you call an elf that sings?
54. What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
55. A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
56. Which computer brand will win the Grammys?
57. The biggest difference between the Super Bowl and the Grammys.
The Eagles have won a Grammy.
58. As a musician, I’ve learned the best way to win a Grammy is to not release your music in the same year as Adele.
59. My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
60. Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
61. What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
62. Who is a grain harvester’s favorite musical artist?
Hall ‘n Oates.
63. Do you like live music?
Of course, I like live music. Dead music has body, but it doesn’t have soul.
64. My friend spends 75 percent of his time playing football and the other 25 percent playing Baroque music.
He’s a quarterback.
65. Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
66. A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
67. There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
68. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Wow, I didn’t know you could yodel!
69. I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
70. What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
71. Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
72. An orchestra was hit by lightning.
Only the conductor died.
73. Kids shouldn’t watch the orchestra.
Too much sax and violins.
74. What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
75. What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
76. What do you call a set of musical dentures?
77. How can you tell if a soprano is at your front door?
He can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.
78. Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar…
“I’ll have a gin please, but no tonic.”
79. What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
80. What do you get if Bach falls off his horse but has the courage to get back on and keep riding?
Bach in the saddle!
81. What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music?
83. Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
84. Why did JS Bach have so many children?
Because he didn’t have any organ stops.
85. How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
86. What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
87. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
88. “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the ‘William Tell Overture’ without thinking of The Lone Ranger.” — Billy Connolly
89. “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.” — Bob Hope
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