Mom Zodiac Vibes

Do Moms’ SUV Colors Match Their Personalities? TikTok Thinks So

The gray SUV moms have officially entered the chat.

Moms on TikTok discuss the latest trend of defining types of mothers by their SUV colors.
@momcreators/TikTok; @sj_golden/TikTok

Gone are the days of wanting to know your horoscope sign or your Hogwarts house — moms are now sorted by the color of their SUVs. Well, according to TikTok, anyway. Recently, videos devoted to moms who drive black SUVs vs. moms who drive white SUVs have been trending on the platform, leading another type to enter the chat: the gray SUV mom.

Similar to how people categorize golden retriever husbands (and other types of partners as dog breeds), the SUV mom theory suggests that different-colored SUVs tend to symbolize specific personalities.

The theory holds that moms driving white SUVs are "put-together" moms inclined to shop at Target and make Starbucks runs. If you're driving a black SUV, you're probably a self-professed "hot mess" mom who hits the Dunkin’ drive-thru when you're already late to drop your kid off at school.

But as TikTok mom Nicole (@nicole_obc_rn) points out in a now-viral video, we need to talk about the other major type of SUV mom. "Apparently if you drive a white SUV as a mom, you're the 'Target mom' and the 'Starbies mom.' And then, if you drive a black SUV, you're like the 'Walmart mom' and the 'Dunkin’ mom,'" explained Nicole. "I don't have either of those. ... You guys have left out an entire subculture of mom: the gray SUV mom."

What are gray SUV moms like? According to Nicole, they're pretty freakin' wild. "We're the f*ck around and find out mom," explains Nicole. "We're the 'our window tint is so dark, you can't see inside because we don't want you to.'" When it comes to coffee, says Nicole, gray SUV moms DGAF where it's from as long as it's highly caffeinated.

Other videos devoted to gray SUV moms elaborate even more. TikTok mom SJ (@sj_golden) admits she recently switched from a white SUV to a gray one, and she feels different: "I feel a little bit edgy but not quite there. I give just enough f*cks, I think. It's the happy medium."

Another mom described gray SUV moms as "baddies with sweet personalities."

Sure, there are probably exceptions. No classification system is wholly perfect, but this seems to track pretty well based on the comments. So, what are moms who drive green SUVs, red SUVs, or blue SUVs?

The comment section of Nicole's video contains quite a few possible answers.

"Red SUV mom here. We bring the chaos. (We ride at dawn!)," commented All The Wrong Things. Another red SUV mama added to the chaos theory, noting that red SUV moms are "like gray SUV moms, but we drive like it's a race car."

Silver SUVs are basically like gray, then? Sort of. "I'm a silver SUV mom... A gray SUV mom with just a little bit of sparkle," commented Nicole Mueller.

To recap, from the intel on TikTok:

  • White SUVs = bougie or "vanilla" moms
  • Black SUVs = budget-conscious or "hot mess" moms
  • Gray SUVs = FAFO moms... but also sweet
  • Silver SUVs = also tough moms, but don't mess up their hair
  • Red SUV moms = most likely to get pulled for speeding

What about blue or green SUV moms?

Green SUV moms don't stop for caffeine. They have a Stanley full of water in their cupholders. They wanted a Suburu, and they collect National Park stickers. Family vacations are camping.

Blue SUV moms are sports moms. They either chose blue because they specifically wanted blue (for their favorite sports team), or it was just the color they ended up test-driving. They probably have the best car insurance and always have extra snacks in their trunk for pre- or post-game grumps.

And if you drive a yellow SUV, well, you're probably too cool to talk to me. So, I have no idea what kind of personality you have. You probably have more tickets than everyone else, though, because it's hard to miss a yellow car.

What do you think? Are SUV colors like the mom zodiac?