Is It Tacky To Create a Registry For Your Child's Birthday?

The thought hadn't even occurred to me when a friend asked in our group chat if any of us were going to create registries for our kid's first birthdays. My initial gut instinct was, "Isn't that a bit tacky?" Then, one of the moms in the group included it on her daughter's birthday party invite. A week later, there was another invitation with a Babylist registry link on it. Yikes, or rather… thanks? Tbh, when the time came to get gifts for these children's parties, I was thrilled to avoid racking my already scrambled brain for ideas.

My son's birthday is right around the corner, so I decided to turn to an expert to help me (and, of course, you) figure out if this emerging trend is one to jump on or if it's an etiquette faux pas. I spoke with Maryanne Parker, etiquette expert and owner of Manor of Manners, on the topic of birthday party registries.

Is creating a gift registry for your kid's birthday party tacky?

We're all familiar with the idea of registries for weddings and baby showers, but the concept is not as widely known in the context of children's birthdays.

Parker believes that as this trend gains traction, people will warm up to it. "I think it is actually a great idea," she shares. She elaborates that as a mother, you may receive several questions asking you what your child wants for their birthday (I have the proof of that in my text messages); a registry answers that question and keeps the inquiries at bay.

In the pragmatic culture of the United States, Parker says a registry just makes sense because of the intention behind it: It simplifies the gift-giving process, amongst other things. Having a registry prevents children from receiving duplicate items or things they may already have. Goodnight Moon is a great book, but just one edition will suffice. In that instance, "you have to return it or regift it, so at the same time, I'm [the gift giver] creating more work for you [the recipient], and you feel uncomfortable to let me know you have another one."

A Today Show poll showed that 61% of respondents believe a registry is useful, but a significantly large number of respondents, 32%, believe it is tacky. "I think the tacky part comes when we really want some kind of extremely expensive or extravagant gift," Park explains, "and it doesn't match our values."

In a video from the Today Show, host Jenna Bush Hager weighed in on the debate and expressed concern that creating a registry teaches kids that they can get whatever they want. To combat this, Parker recommends that at any age, parents should create the registry (which also maintains the element of surprise for kids).

So, how do you go about creating one?

Both Babylist and MyRegistry.com are user-friendly and allow you to link items from any retailer to their website. Many individual stores — think Target, Walmart, and even Etsy — allow you to create registries, too. And, of course, there's nothing faster or easier for your guests to use than Amazon.

When creating the registry, as a broad-strokes guideline, have most gifts fall within the $20 to $30 range (unless it's customary to spend more or less in your social circle).

Include the registry link with the birthday party invitation. Worried about someone curling their nose and thinking, You're sending me a registry? Parker responds, "You're going to buy a gift either way; I'm just making it easier for you!"

Along with the registry link, Parker suggests writing something like this: "Please be advised, for your convenience, we created an online registry (optional)."

As the parents throwing the party, are there any expectations?

I remember the joy of being handed a goody bag when I was a child, and it seems that tradition has lived on. Parker says we are very appreciative of this sentiment here in the U.S. and that "you can definitely give them [your guests] something little because it is expected."

She also noted that asking guests personal questions used to be very bad etiquette, but it could be life-saving today. Welcome to 2023, where food allergies in children are all the rage (I joke, but it totally sucks). When serving food, it is essential to ask guests about any allergies or dietary restrictions.

Do I need to buy a gift from the registry if there is one?

If intentions are right, the registry is there to help the gift-giver. However, Parker assures us there is no requirement to buy from it if you don't want to!

How much should I spend as a guest?

This answer is not black and white. "It depends very much on the social circle of the family… my best advice is to read the room. If something [the party] is more elaborate, it may make sense to purchase something that is $35 - $40, even $50."

Do I need to buy a birthday card?

Parker acknowledges the growing cost of greeting cards — some of those elaborate ones can cost almost as much as a gift — so while she likes them personally, she does not feel they are a necessity. As long as you have some notation that the gift is from you, it will allow the hosts to follow proper etiquette and send gift-givers thank-you messages.

What do you do if the invitation says "no gifts, please"?

While you may find it cringe to show up empty-handed, Parker emphasizes that, as good guests, we should follow the host's requests. If you genuinely want to bring a gift, Parker recommends sending something before or after the party to their home and coordinating that with the parent. She also says this may be an instance where a card comes in handy; "You want to acknowledge that you're invited and appreciative, but at the same time, you want to follow their rules."