A Mom Refuses To Stay At Kids’ Birthday Parties, & It’s Making Some Parents Big Mad
She makes some solid points.
No ifs, ands, or buts about it: Children's birthday parties can feel like a total hellscape. The screaming. The physical chaos. The food from a strange kitchen. All of the unfamiliar adults and kids you're forced to meet. What parent wouldn't take a hard pass, right? Most adults would rather be literally anywhere else than at a kid's birthday party, and yet most of us (especially moms) show up and stick around anyway out of a sense of obligation or expectation. But one mom on TikTok, @Jaii.bee, is calling BS on the whole thing, and it's pissing off a lot of people.
"I made some moms mad when I said I won't stay at your kid's f—king birthday party," she says. "I don't wanna stay at your kid's f—king birthday party, and I'm not gonna stay."
Not surprisingly, it didn’t take long for the comment thread to light up with opinions on both sides of the aisle. Some agreed wholeheartedly. “I preferred when the moms would leave! I don’t want to have to entertain the kids AND the parents! 😳 Just leave me the kids,” said one commenter.
Others said there was no way they were leaving their kid but admitted it has more to do with their kid than anything else: “Oh hell to the no, I'm not leaving my little chaos starters with some random person I've never met before in the hopes that they watch my kids. 😂”
And then, of course, there were some who didn’t understand the perspective. “Wow. I’ve never been to a party where parents didn’t stay. I have 4 kids and have never. Is this a northern thing? Genuinely curious,” asked commenter Opal Lovell.
For many parents, dropping your child off at another kid's birthday party and dipping doesn't seem like appropriate social etiquette. You show up. You bite your tongue when some kid you don't know is a little too bratty towards your child. You make awkward party conversations with the nearest mom or dad. You eat cold hot dogs sliced down the middle and question your life choices while lamenting that, somewhere out there, your childless friends are enjoying a peaceful morning of bottomless mimosas. Why the actual f—k did you choose a life that replaces champagne and orange juice with lukewarm Capri Suns?
So, @Jaii.bee's stance doesn't feel totally without merit. There are surely parents out there who feel her words on a visceral level. Why not be real about it?
After all, she brings up some solid points on the inconvenience of birthday parties:
- She has other kids. Her kids are already mad or hurt that they can't go wild out at a party. But being at your kid's party with only one of her children means she needs to make childcare arrangements for the other two. Your party is now costing her even more money.
- The extra mental load is a lot. She has to RSVP, budget for (and find) a present for your kid, plus shuttle her kid to the party.
- Her time is valuable. If she stays, she's free labor. If you're uncomfortable watching so many kids, don't invite them? At least if she's watching her three kids at home, she knows exactly how to get them to behave. (Theoretically. Because, kids.)
All fair and relatable points. From there, though, it does spiral a bit.
"Then you have some of you who are like, 'I'm not trying to watch X amount of kids. I have a party to plan.' That's a party, babes," she says. "I'm assuming that if you're gonna go out of your way to spend the amount of money that it costs to have a birthday party, you're probably somewhat of a decent parent and my kid is gonna be fine for like two hours with 15 other kids. I don't know why some of you are so 'hover-y.'...What can't you manage? Why can't you manage that? It's two hours. You can't even do a whole lot in two hours. I don't understand."
First, just because a mom has broken down to her kid's begging and given in to a party doesn't mean she feels equipped to have one. And although it's great that this TikTok mom is so unflappable she knows she can handle 15 kids for two hours without other parents — but not all parents feel that way.
Besides, make no mistake: If a mom left one of her semen demons at a party, they acted like the heathens all kids are, and the mom in charge flipped her s—t, she'd probably end up a parental pariah.
"I think those of you who are like, 'you better stay,' I'm not coming," @Jaii.bee ends her tirade.
Cool, cool, cool — staying home seems like the right call if that's how you feel. The hatred for kids' birthday parties is relatable, but FWIW, most moms would likely understand not sticking around if given a heads up ahead of time.