Teen Who Skipped ‘Lame’ Sweet 16 Party Her Mom Threw To Attend Dad's ‘Awesome’ Party Sparks Debate On Reddit
Several Reddit users sided with the teen’s decision.
A 16-year-old girl recently posted in the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subreddit to get outside opinions on if she was in the wrong for ditching out on a party her mom had planned for her sweet 16 birthday in favor of her dad’s party instead.
The original poster (OP) first explained that her parents were divorced and usually switch off throwing her a party for her birthday. However, this year’s birthday party (her mom’s turn) happened to be a milestone.
She wrote that she really wanted a “cool” party for her sweet 16 and had little faith in her mom pulling that off based on past experience.
“My mom's parties are always so lame. [She] always invites her family who [has] a bunch of little kids that I don't like and she won't even get my favorite cake because it's peanut butter cake and my brother is severely allergic to peanut butter,” she wrote.
She also mentions that her mom gives “crappy cheap gift[s]” and gets food from “cheap awful restaurants.”
The teen explains she was honest with her mom and requested that she spend her birthday this year with her dad instead, and it did not go over well. “She insisted on throwing me a party and no matter what I said she wouldn't accept not to throw a party so I was like fine whatever,” she wrote.
Despite her mom’s insistence, the OP asked her father to throw her a party anyway. She said that it was “awesome.”
However, once the teen’s mom found out about the other party, she called her crying and telling her how embarrassed she was because her daughter skipped out on the party she had thrown.
After she posted pictures of her dad’s party on Instagram, the teenager’s entire maternal side of her family thinks she’s an a—hole and in the wrong for ditching her mom’s party.
Reddit users were split on whether or not the OP was in the wrong for ditching her mom. Some thought that she could have worked to compromise and attend both parties while others found the OP’s mom to be a bit on the manipulative side.
“YTA. You could have had 2 parties on two different days. You didn’t have the common courtesy to tell your mother that you would be a no show at a party she planned for you,” one user wrote.
Another user noted that the OP’s word choice seemed a bit harsh. “Definitely YTA, and a spoiled brat ... ‘Lame, crappy, cheap’ definitely sounds spoiled. Sounds like mom can’t afford to take everyone to the nice restaurant she wants, but maybe dad can. I assume that’s why she would prefer dad to host. There isn’t a real argument in here,” they wrote.
Some Reddit users swung the other direction, assuring the teen that she was not in the wrong for ditching out on her mom’s party. “NTA ... Mom hasn’t been listening or communicating with OP in a meaningful way regarding her birthdays. OP is a teenager rapidly approaching adulthood who is still being treated like a child by her mom,” one user wrote.
“If mom can’t provide for OP on her birthday, then mom should stop playing the victim; don’t do something for others when you know it’s not what they want and then have the gall to say they don’t appreciate what you’ve done. That is manipulative behavior,” one wrote. “I understand that mom may have other priorities but for this one birthday she could have prioritized OP. Dad was listening and willing to make OP’s birthday the event she hoped for.”
Other Reddit users found themselves somewhere in the middle, opting for the “ESH” (Everybody Sucks Here) approach. “ESH. Your mom should have respected your wishes. Your dad should have made it clear to your mom the you asked him for a party and he was going to throw it. You should have (if you didn't) made it very clear to your mom that you would be at your dad's party that day and possibly offered to have a family party another day if you know it's important to her,” they advised.
Whether or not this teen girl is in the wrong probably lies somewhere in the middle, there definitely seems to be some parental manipulation at play, which can happen in some divorce scenarios.
In fact, research shows that parental manipulation of children is present in 11% to 15% of divorces and puts children in a position of choosing one or the other. The effects of playing a child like a pawn can result in depression, self-esteem issues, and mistrust.
Read the entire Reddit thread here.