Squirrels — you either love them or hate them. Some people find them kind of adorable, while others just get frustrated when squirrels ransack their bird feeders. As for kids, well, they tend to think squirrels are some of the cutest creatures in existence. If your kid is as nuts about these forest creatures as the animals are about acorns, having a few squirrel jokes and puns up your sleeve will make your little nature lover think you’re the funniest.
One of the good things about squirrel jokes is that they’re relatively family-friendly. (Of course, nuts are a big factor in a lot of them — so, know your audience.) Keeping some squirrel humor handy can prove helpful in a multitude of situations with your kids, whether you’re taking a hike through the woods or planning a woodland-themed birthday party.
These great squirrel puns and jokes will have everyone laughing. And if you’re looking for even more hilarious animal zingers to crack up your kids, we recommend following up this collection with frog jokes, fish jokes, otter jokes, and deer jokes.
Nuttiest, Er, Funniest Squirrel Jokes and Puns
- What did one squirrel say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
“I’m nuts about you!”
- What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
“It won’t be long now!”
- It’s nuts that squirrels store food for winter.
- Why did the squirrel bury her lottery tickets under a bush?
She was hedging her bets.
- What’s a squirrel’s favorite ballet?
- What do rich squirrels eat?
- Why do neutered dogs always chase squirrels?
They’re just trying to get their nuts back.
- Where do squirrels end up during hurricanes?
It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.
- Why didn’t the squirrel eat the macadamia?
It was a tough nut to crack.
- What do you call a fight between squirrels?
- How can you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
- A squirrel is sitting comfortably in his oak tree when he sees an elephant. He asks the elephant why he came by.
“Oh, I’m just coming up here to eat delicious oranges!” says the elephant. “You fool!” the squirrel responds. “This is an oak tree!” “I know that,” the elephant replied. “I brought the oranges from home.”
- What’s a squirrel’s favorite seasoning?
- What did the tree say to the squirrel?
“Just leaf me alone!”
- What is a doctor for overweight squirrels called?
- Why do employers love hiring squirrels?
You can literally pay them peanuts.
- Why are so many squirrels rich?
Because they are good at squirreling away their money.
- What is the squirrel internet called?
- What does a dog say after chasing a squirrel up a tree?
- What did one squirrel’s family say after he came back from the movie theater?
“Tail us all about it!”
- What did the dad squirrel tell his family?
- Why don’t squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
- What type of TV do squirrels watch?
- How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there is the real mystery.
- What do you call a holy squirrel?
- Where do squirrels go for summer vacation?
To beech trees.
- What do you call a squirrel that solves crimes?
- What’s a squirrel’s least favorite kind of flower?
- What did the squirrel say to the police dog?
“Stop barking up the wrong tree and don’t act like a nut.”
- Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
Because he was foraging checks.
- What do squirrels wear on their feet?
- Why did the squirrel get lost in the woods?
It followed the wrong root.
- What did the squirrel say to its family before it left for work?
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here.”
- Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
It’s just nuts.
- What’s a squirrel’s favorite movie?
The Social Nutwork.
- How did the squirrel try to impress his date?
He went out on a limb.
- I got thrown out of the park after rearranging all the squirrels by height.
They didn’t like me critter-sizing.
- I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I’m going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
- What did the squirrel say when he was late for work?
“I’m sorry, but the traffic was absolutely nuts.”
- What smells like nuts but is impossible to see?
- Why did the squirrel bury the tin of fish?
Because tuna spelled backward is “a nut.”
- Why did the squirrel take her car apart?
She wanted to see the nuts and bolts of it.
- What did the squirrel say when he had to decide whether to stay or jump?
“I’m really on the fence about this one.”
- What did the first squirrel say when the second squirrel put twigs in the frying pan?
“What are you doing? This is a non-stick pan!”
- What do you call a squirrel in charge of a bank?
A branch manager.
- If a squirrel and a raccoon were playing Scrabble, who’d win?
The squirrel, because it has a “Q.”
- What do you call a squirrel that goes to space?
- How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
- How do you catch a squirrel who’s interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
- What do you call a food advisor for squirrels?
- What famous squirrel tells the future?
- I saw a squirrel this morning cycling through the park.
I didn’t know they could ride bikes!
- What’s the difference between a rat and a squirrel?
Nothing, really — the squirrel’s just a rat in a cuter outfit.
- What do you get when you mix a rat with a sea snake?
- What’s a squirrel’s favorite kind of joke?
- What do you call a female squirrel?
- I went to the park and began feeding the squirrels. I instinctively fed the smallest and skinniest before the others, but then the rangers kicked me out! She said, “I was critter-sizing.”
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