120+ Football Jokes That Will Score You A Touchdown With Friends

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
football jokes
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Football season might be serious business for some people, but good sportsmanship is all about letting yourself laugh over it too. Sure, you might get a little heated cheering on your favorite team. Super Bowl Sunday might be considered a full-blown holiday in your household. Still, it is just a game at the end of the day (albeit arguably the best one). And when you let yourself find the light-side of this sport, it’ll become even more fun — not to mention funny, if you share our collection of football jokes with your friends and family members.

So, if you’re ready to score big laughs at your next get-together, keep reading. The best news? You don’t have to be a top athlete to work out these jokes. Choose your favorite football jokes from our all-star list below, and you’ll definitely be the VIP of humor on your fantasy football team.

1. Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

2. What do football players wear on Halloween?

Face masks!

3. Which two football teams played in the Pirate Super Bowl?

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

4. What kind of tea do football players drink?


5. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?

They needed a little team spirit.

6. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer.

7. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?

The one with the biggest head.

8. Where do football players dance?

At a foot ball!

9. What do football players do when they get overheated?

They get closer to some of the fans.

10. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at mid-field?

He was trying to make ends meet

11. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?

His heart wasn’t in it

12. Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?

It takes too long to put their cleats on

13. What did the football coach say to the broken candy machine?

Give me my quarterback!

14. Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?

New Jersey.

15. How is a football referee like an angry chicken?

They both have fowl mouths.

16. When should football players wear armor?

When they play knight games.

17. Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?


18. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?

Because she kept running away from the ball!

19. Why did the football quit the team?

It was tired of being kicked around!

20. What did the receiver say to the football?

Catch you later.

21. Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?

Her coach was a pumpkin.

21. What happens to football players who go blind?

They become referees.

22. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?

The one with the biggest head.

23. What does a Minnesota Vikings fan do when their team has won the Super Bowl?

They turn off the PlayStation 4.

24. Where do hungry football players play?

In the Supper Bowl.

25. What do you call a lineman’s kid?

A chip off the old blocker.

26. What did the football say to the punter?

I get a kick out of you.

27. Which insect doesn’t play well in football?

The fumble bee.

28. Which football game do cats like to watch?

The Goldfish Bowl.

29. What do centers wear on their feet?

Hiking shoes.

30. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?

They needed a little team spirit.

31. Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Captain Hook!

32. Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs!

33. Why did the football player bring string to the game?

So he could tie the score.

34. Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

35. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

A football coach.

36. What football play should you be suspicious of?

The quarterback sneak.

37. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?

One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.

38. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

“Give me my quarter back!”

39. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?

If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!

40. How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball; it drives them nuts!

41. Knock, knock?

Who is there? August. August Who? A gusta go back to football practice!

42. What did the college football say to the punter?

“I get a kick out of you.”

43. Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?

44. What kind of ends do you find in libraries?

Book ends.

45. Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?

The wide receiver.

46. Who are the happiest people at the football game?

The cheerleaders.

47. Why are college football stadiums always cool?

Because they’re full of fans.

48. Why was the skeleton always left out of the football game?

Because he had no body to go with.

49. What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?

“Let’s wrap this up!”

50. What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?

Football like no one has ever seen.

51. What do a bad football team and possums have in common?

Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

52. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys.

53. When is a football player like a judge?

When he sits on the bench.

54. Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?

Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.

55. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team, and a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

56. What do biology majors wear on their heads when playing football?


57. Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?

Out to pass-ture.

58. Did you hear that some college football teams don’t have a website?

They can’t string three “Ws” together.

59. What is harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath!

60. Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers?

They know how to split the uprights!

61. Which football player wears the biggest cleats?

The one with the biggest feet!

62. Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field

Under the ghoul posts!

63. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown?

A dino-score.

64. What runs around a football field but never moves?

A fence.

65. What did the bumble bee running back say after getting a touchdown?

Hive scored.

66. Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?

For persistent fowl play.

67. What are successful kickers always trying to do?

Reach goals.

68. Why can’t Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?

They always hook the ball.

69. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Tess me. Tess me who? Tess me the football!

70. Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?

He was a tackling dummy.

71. Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

72. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

A football coach.

73. Why can’t the Detroit Lions player get into his own driveway?

Someone painted an endzone on it.

74. Why can’t you play football with pigs?

They hog the ball.

75. How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?

They’ve both been beaten.

76. Which football team has the coolest helmets?

The one with the most fans.

77. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball.

78. Why is it always warmer after a football game?

All the fans have left.

79. How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football?

Unlock the door and pull the handle.

80. I was wondering why the football was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

81. Why was the pig ejected from the game?

For playing dirty.

82. Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?

The guy retained possession!

83. Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?

Then you’ll be charged with interference.

84. Why don’t quarterbacks share puns when playing?

Because they produce audible groans!

85. What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?

All porpoise yardage!

86. What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?


87. What do you do if a running back swallows the football?

You have to get him to cough it up.

88. Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?

He was called for unnecessary gruffness!

89. Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?

Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave.

90. What do you call 20 Vikings fans in the basement?

A whine cellar.

91. Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?

The coach told him to take a hike!

92. What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?

He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.

93. Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?

Someone was yanking his chain.

94. Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?

The yards were stacked in his favor.

95. Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?

She was a fair catch.

96. What’s the difference between a punter and punster?

A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!

97. How did Scrooge end up with the football?

The ghost of Christmas passed.

98. Did you hear about the football field NASA built on the moon?

They used astroturf.

99. Which are the best animals at football?

A score-pion.

100. Where do football players go shopping in the offseason?

The tackle shop.

101. How do football players stay cool?

By standing close to the fans.

102. What happened to the joke that Tom Brady told his receivers?

It went over their heads.

103. My wife left me because she says I’m too obsessed with football.

Oh well, we had five good seasons together.

104. Why did the football player cross the field?

To get to the other sideline.

105. 8 p.m.: I get a text from my girlfriend that says, “Me or football?!”

11 p.m.: I text back, “You, of course.”

106. Where do Jedi play football?

On the force field.

107. What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman-ship.

108. College football is introducing the Rosary Bowl…

Every play is a Hail Mary.

109. Two football players are in a bar.

One walks up to the other and says, “Hey, wanna shot?” The other says, “I’ll pass.”

110. Why is the football stadium so windy?

Because of all the fans.

111. Someday, I want to make an edgy football joke on Facebook.

It’s my goal post.

112. The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collar bone.

Fortunately, none of them were mine.

113. What did the football player say to the flight attendant?

“Put me in coach!”

114. Why do coaches like punters?

Because punters always put their best foot forward.

115. What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?

A car-punter.

116. What does JETS stand for?

Just End The Season.

117. How many Jets fans does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they are happy living in New England’s shadow!

118. What do you call a New York Jet with a Super Bowl ring?

A thief.

119. Want to hear a Chicago Bears joke?

Jay Cutler.

120. What is the difference between a Los Angeles Rams fan and a baby?

A baby will stop whining after a while.

121. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

The New Orleans Saints.

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