20 Hilarious Car Jokes That Will Keep Your Laughter Rolling And Rolling

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
car jokes
Walt Disney Studios

Cars — they’re a pain to buy, cost you tons in repairs, and constantly put you in danger. Still, kids love playing with them, obsessing over them, and destroying the living room in the process. In the spirit of their fascination with all things auto, buckle up for these fun and hilarious kid-friendly car jokes, witty puns, and one-liners that will really move the little — or big kid — in your life.

Kids may not know how to drive, but that doesn’t stop them from loving cars any less. Between the Disney movies about talking vehicles and how much time they spend in their car seat, it’s no wonder your tike is obsessed. So, to feed their interest and mold them into the perfect NASCAR racer, speed through these jokes.

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1. What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

2. I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker.

Turns out he was just telling me he approved of my driving.

3. My sweetheart is always taking health food crazes too far.

Now, it’s even affecting my driving. She took the carb-orator off my car!

4. Husband: “Honey, the neighbor is washing the car with his son again!”

Wife: “Poor kid! Go over there and tell him to use a sponge instead.”

5. What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?

“Hop in.”

6. I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test.

The last guy was able to get out of the way.

7. Two old people sit on the porch, chatting.

The first guy says, “I hear up in the Seattle it rains cats and dogs!” “Oh!” the second guy answers. “That doesn’t sound so bad. I hear in New York City it’s hailing taxis!”

8. If a car’s chasing you, you’ll definitely get tired.

But if you chase cars, you’ll get exhausted.

9. Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.

10. What do Michigan autoworkers do on Cinco de Mayo?

They have a Fort Fiesta.

11. What do you do with old German cars?

You take ‘em to the old Volk’s home.

12. What kind of car does Yoda drive?

A toyoda.

13. Bad news: Your car is totaled.

Good news: After the wreck, your Audi is finally an innie.

14. When you get hit by a guitar truck, is it a fender-bender?

15. That car salesman is a real car-deal-ologist.

It’s been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!

16. Why couldn’t the frog find where he parked his car?

He’d been toad.

17. What do you need to be able to drive in the outback?

You need to show koala-fications.

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19. My car was stolen.

I was stuck with just my phone, No Kia!

20. When I wrecked my last car, I solved the mystery of whether or not a Mercedes bends.


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