87 Cow Jokes, Puns, And Riddles That Are Udderly Amoosing

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
cow jokes and puns
John M Lund Photography Inc/ Getty

Whether you’re 10 or 40 years old, there’s something eternally hilarious about a good animal joke or useless fact. In fact, nature jokes and puns, in general, are especially funny because there’s a universality to them. They’re kid-friendly, make for the perfect dad jokes, and make the chicken or the egg question a hilarious philosophical debate. They also make for the best puns. Case in point: cow jokes. How many ways can you sneak the “moo” sound into a word? A lot.

Cows are actually really cool. I mean, where would we be without them? Milkshakes and ice cream will cease to exist and the world would end as we know it! But seriously, apart from being a source of milk, cows also have the whackiest colors, look like they’re always chewing gum, and are usually harmless. So it’s no wonder your kiddo is into them. You can help deepen their love for the mooing mammal by showing them just how funny these hilarious animals can be through jokes.

RELATED: 45 Best Riddles For Kids That Won’t Be Too Hard To Solve

If your animal-loving kid is constantly singing “Old McDonald” or “Baa-Baa Blacksheep,” then these cow jokes, puns, and riddles will make their day. They’re udderly amoosing. And if you’re looking for more animal jokes to add to your list, check out our joke pages on horses, llamas, chickens, and more.


1. Why was the cow afraid?

He was a cow-herd.

2. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

They lactose.

3. How did the cow know he was noble?

He was a Sir Loin.

4. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer’s hands were cold.

5. What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?

Roost beef.

6. What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bull dozer.

7. What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

8. Why did the Secret Service surround the president with dozens of cows?

They were trying to beef up security.

9. What’s a cow’s favorite newspaper?

The Daily Moos.

10. What do you get when you cross a cow and a dog?

Hound beef.

11. What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?

A baaaaaaad mooooood.

12. What does a farmer talk about when she’s milking a cow?

Udder nonsense.

13. What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

“It’s pasture bedtime.”

14. What did the cow say to its therapist?

“I feel seen but not herd.”

15. What did the cow say to all her friends?

“I am legen-dairy.”

16. What did the Auntie cow say to her niece?

“You’re so udderly cute!”

17. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, silly. Cow say MOOOOOOOO.

18. What do you call two ducks and a cow?

Quackers and milk.

19. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow, wh — MOOOOOO!

20. What happens when a cow laughs?

Milk comes out of its nose.

21. What’s a cow’s favorite TV show?

Dr. Moo.

22. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?


23. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?

A steak out.

24. Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals.

25. How did the cow get to Mars?

It flew through udder space.

26. How do you get a cow to keep quiet?

Press the moooote button.

27. What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake!

28. What do cows eat for breakfast?


29. How do farmers count their cows?

They use a cowculator.

30. What do you call cattle that tell jokes?

Laughing stock.

31. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?


32. What happens when you talk to a cow?

It goes in one ear and out the udder!

33. What would you hear at a cow concert?


34. What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?

A cattle battle.

35. What time is it when a cow sits on your hat?

Time to get a new hat!

36. Animal News Network had to fire its bovine news anchorman

Because it was unrelia-bull.

37. What do you call a strong cow?


38. Why did the two cows hate each other?

They had beef. 39. What did the cow and bull do for their first date? Dinner and a moooovie.40. What did the bull say to his son when he was going off to school? “Bison!”41. Why do cows read magazines? They love the cattle-logs.42. Déjà Moo is the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.43. What did the cow say to the cheese? “I am your father.”44. What do you call a cow that’s laying down? Ground beef.

45. Why don’t bulls play archery?

They might hit a bulls-eye.

46. Where do cows get all their medicine?

The farmacy.

47. How does a cow become invisible?

Through camooflage.

48. What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?

Blue cheese.

49. My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana.

The steaks have never been so high!

50. What does a cow watch?


51. What do you call a feminine cow?

A dairy queen.

52. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

53. What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

54. Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them?

In case they bypassed the milky way!

55. What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

56. Where do cows go on holiday?

Moo Zealand.

57. How do cows laugh?


58. Why don’t cows have any money?

Farmers milk them dry.

59. How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down.

60. What do you call a cow that can part water?


61. What do you call a redneck motorcycle?


62. What does a surfing cow say?


63. What’s a cow’s favorite James Taylor song?

“Something in the Way She Moos.”

64. What do you call a cow that just gave birth?


65. Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side!

66. Why do cows wear bells?

Their horns don’t work.

67. What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?

A coat.

68. What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?

An udder failure.

69. My butcher gave me beef from a female cow.

I said, “I believe this is a Miss Steak.” 70. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.71. If a cow is cold, you get a milkshake. But what do you get when the cow is even colder? A dead cow.72. I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day.Guess you could call it a rare experience.73. I’d tell you a cow joke… But I would probably butcher it.74. How do you tuck in a cow? Bull Sheets.75. I have a decent joke about a cow, but it’s pretty offensive, so I’ll probably need to take it down. Or, you know, have it remooooooved.76. What are cow knees called? Burger joints.77. What’s a cow’s social media handle? Bo-Vine.78. What is an evening of self-care for a cow? Moovies, moosic, and mooisturizer.79. How does a cow apologize? It kowtows.80. What did the cow say at the end of the workday? An udder day, an udder dollar.81. If a cowboy is happy, does that make him a… Jolly Rancher?82. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk? A milk dud.83. What do you call a Russian bovine covered in lichen? Moscow.84. I don’t even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw. I mean, just, like, holy cow… 85. What do you call the cow who hit it big playing the lottery? A cash cow.86. What did one cow thief say to the other before their big heist? “Put on your cow-moo gear — we need to be sneaky.”87. What do you call it when two cows live together in harmony? Cowhabitation.

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