motherhood & loss

Billie Lourd Reflects On Navigating Life Without Her Mom Carrie Fisher

“Sometimes the magical moments can also be the hardest,” the actor and mom of two wrote on the sixth anniversary of Fisher’s death.

Billie Lourd reflected on grief in a touching new post. Here, she and her late mom, Carrie Fisher, a...
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Actor Billie Lourd honored her late mother, Carrie Fisher, in an emotional and brutally honest reflection on what it’s like to be a mother without your own mom around. Marking six years since the Star Wars legend’s death, Lourd wrote about loss, motherhood, and how grief is not linear in a the beautiful, relatable tribute.

“It has been 6 years since my Momby died (feels like 2 but also like 705 at the same time?),” the mom of two, 30, wrote on Instagram alongside a childhood photo of herself and Fisher. Fisher died at the age of 60 on Dec. 27, 2016 after suffering a heart attack on a flight from London to Los Angeles.

“And unlike most other years since she's died, this year, these past two weeks have been some of the most joyful of my life. Giving birth to my daughter and watching my son meet her have been two of the most magical moments I have ever experienced.”

Lourd and her husband, Austen Rydell, welcomed daughter Jackson Joanne on Dec. 12. They also share 2-year-old son Kingston Fisher.

While motherhood has been a fun-filled, exciting journey for Lourd, she admitted that “sometimes the magical moments can also be the hardest” without her own mom around.

“With the magic of life tends to come the reality of grief,” Lourd wrote. “My mom is not here to meet either of them and isn't here to experience any of the magic. That's the thing about grief. I wish my Momby were here, but she isn't.”

“So all I can do is hold onto the magic harder, hug my kids a little tighter,” the Scream Queens star continued. “Tell them a story about her. Share her favorite things with them. Tell them how much she would have loved them.”

She continued by telling followers that these feelings are normal and anyone “experiencing the reality of grief alongside the magic of life” is not alone. Anyone who has gone through an unimaginable loss knows how complicated and two-sided life can feel after losing a loved one.

“I see you. You are not alone. Don't ignore either,” Lourd wrote. “Life can be magical and griefy at the same time.”

In another tribute to Fisher, on the late actor’s would-be 66th birthday in October, Lourd also spoke of her loss.

“I woke up this morning feeling like I should write some long wise grief advice caption like I know what the f--k I'm talking about,” she wrote. “But then I realized even after 6 years I still have no formula or map on what to do on days like these.”

She added, “You can never be an expert in grief. It is forever changing—the ultimate shape shifter.”