Back in high school, I’ll never forget the sex talk I received in health class. When it comes to arousal, said my teacher, men were like light switches — they were quick to turn on and off. Meanwhile, women were like toasters because we needed a little time to warm up before we… popped. Sounds like the start of a sex joke, right? Still, these analogies have been etched in my brain for the last 20 years. While somewhat simplistic, my teacher’s take on arousal wasn’t entirely off-base. According to Psychology Today, it can take the average healthy person with a vagina up to 17 minutes or more to climax. For reference, it takes the average person with a penis approximately five minutes to get there. Of course, that naturally varies from person to person. Generally speaking, though, “warming up” symbolizes foreplay. And when done right, foreplay can not only make us “pop” (likely my teacher’s euphemism for orgasm) but can also be just as hot as the main event. So, if you’re looking to spice up your sex life, foreplay tips are the way to go.
However, foreplay is often overlooked or rushed as if it’s something we need to “get through.” Perhaps that’s partially because there is, admittedly, a bit of predictability involved: The bra comes off, then the pants, and you know the rest. But it may also simply be because we don’t realize how vital foreplay is and hot it can be.
Here’s what you need to know about foreplay so you can stop forgetting it and start playing more with these much-needed foreplay tips.
What is foreplay?
Foreplay is also known as outercourse and essentially refers to any sexual activity that happens before sexual intercourse. It can involve various passionate activities, including kissing, touching, caressing, and even sharing fantasies.
What is the point of foreplay?
Besides it feeling good? Foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, which helps both the mind and body prepare for sex. Notably, it helps create lubrication in the vagina, which is essential for comfortable intercourse. In turn, comfortable intercourse makes us more conducive to becoming aroused and climaxing easily. Essentially, it helps us “get in the mood” and get those juices flowing — quite literally.
Signs of arousal in people with a vagina include:
- An increase in your heart rate, pulse, and blood pressure.
- The vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn a darker color.
- The clitoris becomes highly sensitive and might even be painful to touch.
- Swelling of the breasts and erect nipples.
What are sexy foreplay tips?
Now that we know foreplay is actually awesome and fun, here are some key foreplay tips to keep things interesting and frisky.
- A hot sext. Sexting is one of the easiest ways to set the sexual stage. A quick text telling your partner what you want them to do to you and what you want to do to them, and/or a flirty pic, is all you need to turn it up!
- Relive your favorite memories. Sometimes reliving our hottest memories, whether it was having a quickie in the car or vacation sex, is enough to get you in the mood. Share your favorite sex memories with your partner, and describe to them why it was so memorable to you. You can even recreate it if you’re feeling particularly adventurous.
- Roleplay. In a similar vein, role-playing can be a thrilling way to act out your sexiest fantasies with your partner. Are you a flight attendant who wants to join the mile-high club with the pilot? Maybe it’s two strangers who meet in an elevator? Whatever it is, have fun with it!
- Talk dirty. Dirty talk is one the quickest ways to get things super-hot in the bedroom. Don’t overthink it — just think of what you want your partner to do and what makes you aroused, and then say it.
- Play with temperatures. Temperature play — whether hot or cold — is a great turn-on. It might mean both of you sucking on an ice cube before oral sex. Or maybe it’s freezing a glass dildo and playing with that together. It can also mean warming up lube or playing with hot wax. Experiment, experiment, experiment.
- Do a sexy dance. Embody your inner J. Lo in Hustlers and perform an erotic lap dance or a striptease for your partner.
- Just kiss. Kissing is underrated sometimes, but why? It’s hot as heck. Make out like a couple of teens and explore each other bodies with just your mouths.
- Give each other a massage. A classic foreplay move that can be both relaxing and sexy.
- Set the scene. Ambiance can make or break the mood. When you’re trying to achieve the big O, you want to feel relaxed, sexy, and sultry. Clearing clutter in the room and dimming the lights can help.
- Try out tantric foreplay. The guiding principle here is edging — getting as close to climax as possible before pulling back, slowly building back up to that place, and repeating.
- Take a shower together. We know shower sex can be tricky, so instead of having the main event there, use it as a warm-up. Kissing and touching under a stream of hot water while you soap each other up will put you both in the mood. At this point, you’ll both be wet (and clean!), which will make the events that follow a complete blast.
- Take your time taking off each other’s clothes. This helps build the sexual tension and slow things down so you can enjoy what’s to come.
- Avoid starting foreplay with the clitoris. Focus on other areas of the body and then work your way to the pleasure point. The goal is to get your partner hot. Sometimes heading straight for the clitoris can make it harder to turn them on. At the same time, remember it’s very important to give this spot attention, so don’t delay too long!
- Take your time. Foreplay is all about anticipation, and the more stimulation you can get in before intercourse, the more intense the orgasm will be. So, enjoy the sensual journey and don’t rush.
- Speak up and encourage your partner to express themselves if you’re doing something they don’t enjoy. And if something isn’t working for you, don’t be afraid to make suggestions. Foreplay isn’t effective if it’s uncomfortable.
Should foreplay always culminate in sex?
When done right, foreplay doesn’t have to always lead to sexual intercourse. In fact, foreplay can be the main event itself, including, yes, the pop (AKA reaching orgasm)!
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