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Kristen Bell Shares Daughter's Savage 'Essay' Critiquing Her Parenting

Kristen Bell's Daughter Hilariously Slams Her Mom's Parenting For School Essay
Jim Spellman/Getty and Kristen Bell/Instagram

Kristen Bell’s oldest daughter wrote an essay about how “mommy reacts to me” and it was not a glowing review

All over the world, kids are stuck at home and parents are stuck being interim teachers. Homeschooling is hard on families and some parents have straight up thrown the towel in on distance learning, but at Kristen Bell’s house, her daughter’s home-learning assignments have taken a… weird turn. Bell’s 7-year-old daughter Lincoln was assigned her first-ever “opinion essay” and for some reason, Lincoln chose the topic “How my mommy reacts to me” and according to Lincoln’s evidence to support her opinion, mommy doesn’t react well at all.

Bell shared an image of a grid her daughter drafted up to brainstorm the different ways “mommy reacts.” In one corner she has, “bad reactions,” in the other “no patience,” also “doesn’t believe in me,” and finally “stern voice.” You know, just a Bingo card full of the worst descriptions of your mother who is just trying to survive during a pandemic and also teach her kids how to write essays about how bad a job she’s apparently doing.

But Bell took it all in stride, saying she was “quite impressed” with her daughter’s ability to lay out all the evidence against her mom. LOL.

“Trying to get my 1st grader to write her first opinion essay, and was quite impressed with the topic she chose as she presented her grid with opinion and evidence,” Bell wrote alongside the image. “Touche my young lass. Touche. (The bottom says ‘Stern Voice’).”

Our favorite comment on the post is the person who asked: “Why are your daughters literal savages omg.” Same question though.

However, the roasting goes both ways in the Shepard-Bell household. Last week Bell said that “being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot super glued to your shoulder,” and okay Bell, go off.

Like all of us, Bell’s family is taking quarantine day-by-day and just doing their best. Bell admitted at the beginning she tried to keep the family on a tight schedule, which immediately backfired.

“The biggest lesson I learned in the beginning was I wrote out the color-coded schedule — when our academic time would be and when our art time would be. By day five, I was making everybody miserable,” Bell told Entertainment Tonight in an interview earlier this month. “The kids hated that I was trying to adhere to the schedule. So about a week ago, I woke them up and I said, ‘This is your most important mission ever. Get up.’ I brought them in the kitchen and I had them rip up the schedule… I had them shred it and they felt so good. I said the learning lesson here is that if you make a plan and it’s not working, you pivot.”

Poor Kristen Bell, all she’s doing is trying her hardest and yet, in her daughter’s eyes, she’ll never win — and damn, if that isn’t a metaphor for motherhood.