It might seem like every classmate in your kid’s grade is named Olivia or Henry or Ava or Noah. And it’s not in your head — those are all some of the most popular baby names for the past few years. My daughter’s class has an Isla, Olivia, Lily, and Liliana. Her poor teacher!
But what about the other side of the coin? While the most popular baby names get lots of attention from bloggers and expectant parents each year, is there really any way to determine the very worst baby names of all the options? Certainly you’ve run into a few, but is it objective or a matter of taste whether a baby name is a dud?
A baby blogger has taken a stab at it. Emily’s Diary, a parenting website in the U.K., has rounded up the 100 most unpopular names for boys and girls, according to them — and while some of the picks are hard to argue with (Satan is probably not a great fit for a kid) others are a little more puzzling (what’s wrong with Flora??).
While listing the names, they did clarify that this list is all for fun and not to come for them if your kid’s name is on the list.
“This list is meant to be a bit of light-hearted fun and no offense is intended. If you love a certain name, then you should use it and forget about what anyone else may think,” they wrote, before digging into some baby name choices pretty harshly.
First and foremost, the blog took a strong stance against “normal,” traditional names that are spelled completely out of the box. Instead of naming your daughter “Olivia,” why not have her stand out while setting her up to have her name mispronounced for her entire life by naming her, “Aliviyah”? Some parents are naming their daughter Blaykelee which was actually named one of the worst names for a kid in 2019. And if that isn’t a bridge too far for you, the blog highlighted naming your kid a phrase or two words combined into one like Ahmiracle or I’munique.
If completely wackadoo spelling is not your forte, the blog also lists hilarious names that are so ridiculous your eyes may roll all the way to the back of your head. Names like Boss, Sadman (self-fulfilling prophecy much?), Hitler (???), Elmo, Beberly, and Appaloosa may be at the top of your list.
Although on the other hand, there will likely never be two Sadmans in the same kindergarten class.
The blog also struck out hard against naming your kid after brands. If you chose L’Oreal, Mattel, Mabelline, or Mercedes, your baby name is under fire! And perhaps copyright infringement!
Also included were some glaring celebrity digs. Apple, the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s firstborn, made the list, along with North and Stormy — which could be some side-eye toward the Kardashians, even with the alternative spellings.
And don’t forget about the names on this list that are totally normal that no one would bat an eye at, but this blogger decided to add them to the list. Lana, Brian, and Justin are three examples of names that are pretty common and fine names for kids, but apparently they are not popular anymore. “Find us a person under the age of 50 called Brian! You won’t as it’s such a bad name,” they write.
Fair point, I guess. Sorry, all Brians!
If you learn anything from this list — which is fun but very silly — it’s that one person’s Oliver is another person’s Elmo, and the world would probably be a pretty boring place if everyone was named Aiden and Emma. But, yes, everyone can agree not to name your kid Phelony. Although it does sound kind of pretty out of context!
Did your child’s name make the list? Read the entire weird and random compilation here.