You Better Beleaf It: These 90+ Funny Tree Jokes Will Have You Feeling Green

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
tree jokes and puns
Sally Anscombe/ Getty

Trees are majestic creations of Mother Nature. They’re solid, grounded, made from wood, oh, and ripe for puns and jokes for kids. Yes, Mama, really. We rounded up the funniest jokes, puns, one-liners, and riddles about trees that will have you and the littles LOLing for days. You better beleaf it.

Looking at trees, it’s easy to assume they do nothing, but looks can be deceiving! Not only are they home to hundreds of woodland creatures, but we would literally die without them. They turn the carbon dioxide we exhale into the oxygen we inhale. These strong, quiet giants are the backbone of our ecosystem. And they can also be pretty hilarious. After all, are you really a science lover if you can’t pull out a sick photosynthesis joke on the fly?

Trees may not be active life forms in the traditional sense, but we’ve foraged through creative minds and sites from all over the internet to show you how cool they can be. There are many, many reasons to save a tree, and being able to tell these jokes is one of them. So, the next time you see one of these beauties, think of how special they are and tell it one of these jokes.

  1. What did the tree wear to the pool party?

Swimming trunks!

  1. What did the beaver say to the tree?

It’s been nice gnawing you!

  1. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?

It was feeling green!

  1. How do trees access the internet?

They log on.

  1. Why do trees make the worst frenemies?

Because they are the best at throwing shade!

  1. What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch.

  1. Why did the pine tree get in trouble?

Because it was being knotty.

  1. What kind of tree can fit into your hand?

A palm tree!

  1. What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?


  1. Why did the tree need to take a nap?

For rest.

  1. Why was the weeping willow so sad?

It watched a sappy movie.

  1. Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party?

Because they never leaf when you want them to.

  1. Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?

In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

  1. What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree?

A sour puss.

  1. What was the tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek?

The Captain’s log.


  1. What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree? Faux fir.
  2. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?

Absent without leaf.

  1. What happens when a tree falls into mud?

It leafs an impression.

  1. What happens to maple trees on Valentine’s Day?

They get sappy.

  1. A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree.


  1. What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?

Leaf me alone, birch!

  1. What is every single tree’s least favorite month?


  1. What must trees drink responsibly?

Root beer.

  1. What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?


  1. Why did the evil queen order her subjects to cut down all the trees in the kingdom?

She was jealous because every one of them had a bigger crown than her.

  1. Why can’t Christmas trees sew?

They always drop their needles.

  1. Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?

It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes!

  1. What did the little tree say to the big tree?

Leaf me alone!

  1. Did you hear the one about the oak tree?

It’s a corn-y one!

  1. Where do saplings go to learn?

Elementree school.

  1. Why do trees make great thieves?

Sticky fingers.

  1. Why can’t the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?

She’s still pining to be one of the poplar kids.

  1. Which side of a tree has the most leaves?

The outside.

  1. How do trees make themselves heard?


  1. What’s big, grey and falls from trees in Autumn?


  1. Would you ever consider going on the almond tree diet?

No way, that’s just nuts!

  1. Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?

The horse chestnut. (It totally conkers the competition.)

  1. What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?


  1. Did you hear about the elephant that got stuck up a tree last summer?

In order to get down, she had to sit on a branch and wait until fall.

  1. What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?

It wooden go.


  1. What’s the same size and shape as a giant sequoia tree, yet weighs nothing?

A giant sequoia tree’s shadow.

  1. How do trees keep you in suspense?

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

  1. What type of fish falls from trees?


  1. How do bees travel to trees?

They take the buzz.

  1. What is a pine tree’s favorite radio station?

Anything that plays the poplar hits.

  1. How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?

They spruce themselves up.

  1. What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?

A houseplant going on vacation.

  1. How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?

It shrubs.

  1. How do trees contact one another?

By teleafone.

  1. What is the saddest tree?

The weeping willow.RELATED: 100+ Nature Jokes That Will Put A Tree-mendous Smile On Your Face

  1. Why was the tree stumped?

It couldn’t get to the root of the problem.

  1. What do you get when you cross a tree with an artificial waterway?

A root canal.

  1. How many oranges grow on a tree?

All of them.

  1. What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?


  1. Why are leaves always involved in risky business?

Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.

  1. How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?

Fell out of the tree.

  1. Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?

Because they are sycamore.

  1. Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?

They maple their brand off the shelves.

  1. How do you get down from a tree?

You don’t. Down comes from a duck.

  1. How do you know when a tree has had too much to drink?

It won’t stop trunk texting their ax.

  1. Where can Adansonia trees go for a quick trim?

To the baobarber.

  1. Why were so many people sitting under the tree?

It was poplar.

  1. How do two rival forests get along?

They sign a peace tree-ty

  1. What looks like half a tree?

The other half.

  1. What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas?

It took a leaf of absence.

  1. Which side of a cherry tree has the most leaves?

The outside.

  1. What did the little tree say to the rude tree?

Leaf me alone.

  1. How old was the tiny tree?

Near-leaf five.

  1. What do you give to a thirsty tree?


  1. Why didn’t the tree hunt?

It was against his beleafs.

  1. What is a tree’s favorite school subject?


  1. How did the elm tree know the fig tree wasn’t looking for anything serious?

It asked for no twigs attached.

  1. What is a pine tree’s favorite singer?

Spruce Springsteen.

  1. What did the tree say after he made an offer?

Take it or leaf it.

  1. Would you like to read a joke about tree-free paper?

The thing is, it’s tearable.

  1. What looks like half a spruce tree?

The other half.

  1. Why do trees hate tests?

Because they get stumped by the questions.

  1. What did the rock say when it rolled into the tree?

Nothing. Rocks don’t talk!

  1. What do you call nice trees without any teeth?


  1. Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?

It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.

  1. What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?

Tell it acorn-y joke.

  1. How did the tree get lost?

It took the wrong root.

  1. What do vain trees do to get rid of wrinkles?

Get a faceleaft.

  1. Why was the tree arrested?

For shopleafting.

  1. Why did the Chesnut tree feel left out?

It never got in on the oak.

  1. Why couldn’t the evergreen ever land a date?

It was so busy pining after unavailable trees that it never really branched out.

  1. Where do birch trees keep their valuables?

In a river bank.

  1. Why isn’t the squirrel hard at work collecting acorns at the oak tree?

She called in sick and went to the beech.

  1. What weighs more, a pound of leaves or a pound of logs?

Neither, they both weigh one pound.

  1. How did the apple tree get the job?

It had the right qua-leaf-ications.

  1. Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for American trees?


  1. What did the Jedi say to the sacred tree?

May the forest be with you.

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