Is a joke still hilarious if your boyfriend doesn’t laugh? Absolutely. What are boyfriends for if not to harass and annoy? This list of boyfriend-themed jokes is the perfect weapon. Also poking fun at each other is the core of a long-lasting relationship. So be sure to break these gags out during your next date or in front of his friends (whichever seems the most embar—appropriate). He may not laugh out loud, but we all know he’s cracking up on the inside.
We know you love your boyfriend, but admit it: You love teasing him even more. With so many corny and funny love jokes to choose from, there are one-liners to throw at bae for every mood. Of course, you love teasing him just as much as you love his kind heart.
After all, relationship jokes are just a part of a healthy partnership. Boyfriends are kinda dorky and annoying at times, right? So they’re due for a good ribbing sometimes (OK, more like that all the time). With the wild wild world of guess what jokes are at our disposal, we rounded up the funniest boyfriend jokes that will leave the two of you — or at least you – LOLing for hours.
- Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he’s a keeper.
- What did one boat say to the other boat?
“Are you interested in a little row-mance?”
Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.
- I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it’s just not as big.
- You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
- You are like dandruff.
I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
- Guess what’s on the menu?
- You are just like my car.
You drive me crazy.
- What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have changed. They’re no longer thick and insensitive!
- Why are boyfriends like parking spaces?
The good ones are already taken!
- What is the difference between a bike and a boyfriend?
A bike is first kicked and then used. A boyfriend is first used and then kicked.
- Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
- How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?
- It was so hot today…
I almost called my ex-boyfriend to be around something shady.
- What do you call a man made of garbage?
- When would you want a man’s company?
When he owns it!
- How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
- What does a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?
They’re always coming early.
- Boyfriends are like blue jeans.
They look good for a while but, eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
- What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
- What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.
- What’s a boyfriend’s definition of a romantic evening?
- What’s a boyfriend’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
- Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
- My boyfriend likes to eat vegetables that look like him for dinner.
Good thing he’s a cute-cumber.
- Love is like having to pass gas.
If you force it, you are going to make a mess.
- A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms.
To which the girlfriend replied, “That’s not very much at all!”
- A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing.
He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
- Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think…
Damn. He is one lucky man.
- My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees.
I think he’s a keeper.
- A bartender broke up with her boyfriend.
He keeps asking for another shot.
- My boyfriend told me to stop impersonating flamingos.
I had to put my foot down.
- My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
- My boyfriend accidentally poked me in the eyes.
So, I stopped seeing him for a while.
- My boyfriend knows how understanding I am.
That’s why he always calls me Miss Understanding.
- I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me, and then I didn’t show.
I hope he gets the message that we’re not working out.
- What’s the difference between bleach and fabric softener?
My ex-boyfriend now knows the answer.
- Why is Spider-Man a bad boyfriend?
He’s super clingy.
- I think you are suffering…
From a lack of vitamin me.
- You annoy me more than I ever thought possible.
But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.
- I love you…
Even when I’m really, really hungry.
- I want to be the reason who makes you look down at your phone and smile…
And then walk into a pole.
- Every day, I fall in love with you more and more.
Except yesterday — yesterday you were pretty annoying.
- I love you more than coffee.
But please don’t make me prove it.
- What’s the difference between a toddler and your boyfriend?
I don’t know, do you?
- Who wears the pants in our relationship?
We prefer when neither of us is wearing pants.
- Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me.
Then I remember, I put up with you. So we’re even.
- My boyfriend is so handsome…
Looking all invisible and shit.
- What’s the difference between a woman and a microwave?
A guy will press all the buttons on the microwave to get it heated.
- Forget the butterflies.
I feel the whole zoo when I am with you.
- “I love you no matter what you do. But do you really have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Ya. Ya who? Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
- You: “There’s something wrong with this dictionary.”
Him: “What is it?” You: “They spelled ‘love’ wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!”
- You: “I thought up an acronym to describe you.”
Him: “What is it?” You: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Him: “WTF does that stand for?” You: “Amazing, bae, cool, dreamy, encouraging, great, fantasy hunk, intelligent.” Him: “What about the JK?” You: “Just kidding!”
- You: “I don’t think we can go in here.”
Him: “Why not?” You: “Look at that sign! *Points to the no-smoking sign* They won’t let you and your smoking hot bod in!”
- You: “I think there’s something wrong with your lips.”
Him: “What is it?” You: “They’re not kissing mine!”
- My boyfriend isn’t allowed to have birthday candles on his cake.
Like, WTF are you wishing for? All your dreams came true with me!
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Nobody. Nobody who? Nobody knows how much I love you.
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Ivan. Ivan who? Ivan to do something naughty with you!
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Plums. Plums who? Plums me you’ll always be my boyfriend!
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Water Water who? Water you doing tonight?
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Cynthia. Cynthia who? Cynthia away, I missed you.
- There’s no need to repeat yourself.
I ignored you just fine the first time.
- You’re the type of boy…
I’d make a sandwich for.
- Are you a magician?
Because whenever I look at you, my clothes and the rest of the world disappear.
- It may sound cheesy…
But you’ve stolen a pizza my heart.
- Despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late ’90s…
If you want to be my lover, please do not get with my friends.
- Why are boyfriends like lawnmowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.
- I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are.
- My boyfriend said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
- Sometimes I love you.
Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
- I call you king, not as a term of endearment or a pet name.
Think of it more as a reminder that I’m your queen.
- Boyfriend: “Want a quickie?”
Girlfriend: “As opposed to what?”
- A boyfriend is like an iPhone.
Even if you drop and break it, it still works!
- Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska my boyfriend.
- What’s the difference between a couch and a boyfriend watching sports?
Nothing, they’ve become one with each other.
- I lava you a lot.
- Why should you never marry a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
- Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
- I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.
I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
- Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices.
You’re one of them.
- What does the ghost call his true love?
- Boyfriends are cool and stuff.
But have you ever had garlic bread with cheese?
- Me: “I love you.”
You: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
- Boyfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Girlfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
- “Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.” — Groucho Marx
- “I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.” — Phyllis Diller
- You make me hap-pea.
- Time fries when I’m with you.
- You’re like coffee.
Hot, and I want you every day.
- You must be peanut butter.
‘Cause you make my heart jelly.
- Everything I brew…
I brew it for you.
- You’re like a Sharpie.
- This might sound cheesy…
But I think you’re grate.
- I like you butter than anyone!
- The doctor took an x-ray of my heart and almost fainted.
Frightened, he asked me what happened. I told him, “Don’t worry; I gave my heart to you. That’s why it’s missing.”
- I wish life had a pause button.
I would be stuck in time with you, replaying and pausing every perfect moment we spend together.
- Hamsters run on wheels all day.
I run after you.
- Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life?
I already gave my heart to you.
- I think I am going to need knee surgery.
Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.
- Your parents must think I am a drunk.
The truth is, I am just intoxicated by you.
- I tried rearranging the alphabet…
But, for some reason, “U” and “I” would never separate.
- My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk.
- Feel my shirt.
It’s boyfriend material.
- Your boyfriend doesn’t get your fruit puns?
You got to let that mango.
- I’m not buying this sweater.
It’s made of ex-boyfriend material.
- My boyfriend just broke up with me over video games…
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
- Boyfriend: “Oh my god, it smells like upsexy in here!”
Girlfriend: “What’s up sexy?” Boyfriend: “Oh nothing much, you?”
- Boyfriend: “Do you want a kiss?”
Girlfriend: “No.” Boyfriend: “Do you remember what I just said?” Girlfriend: “Do you want a kiss?” Boyfriend: “OK, if you insist.”
- What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?
“Nice to meat you.”
- How does a boyfriend show he’s planning for the future?
He buys an extra case of beer.
- Girl: “Would you like to be the sun in my life?”
Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, wow. Um, yeah!” Girl: “Good. Then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.”
- Girlfriend: “I dreamed I saw you in a jewelry store and you were buying me a diamond ring.”
Boyfriend: “I had the same dream, and I saw your dad paying the bill.”
- One day, a boyfriend came home and was greeted by his girlfriend.
Dressed in sexy lingerie, she purred, “Tie me up and do whatever you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.
- Girlfriend: “Our new neighbor always kisses his girlfriend when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Boyfriend: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
- Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?”
Boyfriend: “You’re both!” Girlfriend: “What do you mean by that?” Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly!”
- What do you call your daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10 p.m.?
- We’re not socks.
But I think we’d make a great pair.
- Are you from Starbucks?
Because I like you a latte.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Eyesore. Eyesore, who? Eyesore do love you a lot.
- A boyfriend and girlfriend decided to see a therapist about their relationship issues.
The couple’s therapist says, “So, tell me what brings you here today.” The girlfriend: “It’s really difficult to live with him. He’s so literal.” The boyfriend: “My truck.”
- Frustrated with her boyfriend’s frugality, his girlfriend told him he is the cheapest person she’s ever met.
His response? “I’m not buying it.”
- Why did the boyfriend give his girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while he went to the bar?
He said she always wanted “a night in, shining armor.”
- Venting to her best friend, a woman complained that her boyfriend never laughed at her fruit jokes.
So, her friend told her, “Girl, you’ve got to let that mango.”
- My boyfriend and I met on the internet. My mother asked him what line he used on me, and my boyfriend replied, “I just used a modem.”
- How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
- Boyfriend moving in…
Him: “Can I set up a cloning machine in the basement?” Me: “Sure, make yourself at home.”
- Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
He was a boar.
- My boyfriend broke up with me because I reference Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it didn’t even matter.
- What did the melon say when her boyfriend proposed?
Yes, but we cantaloupe.
- Made gluten-free spaghetti for dinner. When I asked my boyfriend why he wasn’t eating it, he said, “It’s not real spaghetti. It’s an impasta.”
- How do you get your boyfriend to work out?
Put his video game controller between his feet.
- Boyfriend: How do you break things.
Me: “You just do it.” Boyfriend: “OK. We’re breaking up.”
- As my girlfriend and I prepared for our garage sale, I came across a painting. Looking at the back, I discovered that I had written “To my beautiful girlfriend on our fifth anniversary. I love you. — Keith.”
Feeling nostalgic about a gift I’d given her 25 years earlier, I showed it to her, thinking we should rehang the picture. After gazing at my message for a few seconds, she replied, “You know, I think a black marker would cover over all that so that we could sell it.”
- I was perusing the shelves at a toy store when a customer asked an employee where the video game section was. After pointing it out, the employee asked, “Is there anything specific you’re looking for?” “Yes,” said the customer. “My boyfriend.” — A.H. via rd.com
This article was originally published on