105+ Soccer Jokes That Will Have You Scoring With Friends

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
soccer jokes
fstop123/ Getty Images

With four billion fans around the world, soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Having some serious team spirit includes not only cheering for your favorite team but also sharing some funny jokes about soccer. While telling these hilarious soccer jokes might not land you the World Cup, it will send your friends and teammates into a fit of LOLs. Trust us: you’ll end up having a ball.

For many of us, soccer was the first sport we played. It’s a game of fancy footwork, endurance, and teamwork and we may not have grown up to Bend It Like Beckham, but we did have fun. So whether you’re into FIFA or have a net set up in the backyard, everyone loves a good soccer joke. And lucky for you, you’ve hit the jackpot.

Need more sports jokes in your life? Check out our funny pages on basketball, golf, football, and more.

Best Soccer Jokes And Puns

  1. What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position?

Ghoul keeper.

  1. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?

Because she always runs away from the ball.

  1. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?

They watch cricket instead.

  1. What kind of tea do soccer players drink?


  1. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal?

A dino-score.

  1. Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?

The one with the biggest feet.

  1. What position do ghosts play in soccer?


  1. Where do soccer players go to dance?

The Futball.

  1. What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match.


  1. Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs!

  1. Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

It was tired of being kicked around.

  1. Why do soccer players do so well in school?

They know how to use their heads.

  1. How do soccer players stay cool during games?

They stand near the fans.

  1. Why did the soccer player bring string to her game?

So she could tie the score.

  1. What runs around a soccer field but never moves?

A fence.

  1. What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?

“Hive scored.”

  1. How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?

They egg them on.

  1. Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?

For persistent fowl play.

  1. Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?

He was a boxer.

  1. Why was the soccer field wet on a sunny day?

The players dribbled all over it.

  1. Where’s the best place to shop for a soccer uniform?

New Jersey.

  1. What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?

Time to get a new ball!

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Soccer. Soccer who? Socc-ser in the drawer.

  1. What do soccer referees send during the holidays?

Yellow cards.

  1. Knock, knock?

Who’s there? August. August Who? A gusta go back to soccer practice!

  1. When is a soccer player like a judge?

When he sits on the bench.

  1. How do we know that soccer referees are happy?

Because they whistle while they work.

  1. What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?

A bawl (ball) club.

  1. Why do so many Americans play soccer?

So they don’t have to watch it on TV.

  1. What’s the difference between a bad soccer team and an albatross?

An albatross has got two decent wings.

  1. What is the difference between a bad soccer team and the Bermuda Triangle?

The Bermuda Triangle has three points.

  1. What would you get if you crossed a soccer player and the Invisible Man?

He would play soccer like no one has ever seen.

  1. What did the mummy soccer coach say at the end of practice?

“Let’s wrap this up!”

  1. Why was the skeleton always left out in a soccer game?

Because he had no body to play with.

  1. How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.

  1. Why is a bad soccer team like an old bra?

It has no cups and very little support.

  1. What is soccer?

It has been described as a game with 22 players, two linesmen, and 20,000 referees.

  1. Why does the soccer ball curse so much?

Because he gets a kick out of it.

  1. What part of a soccer pitch smells nicest?

The “scenter” spot.

  1. What does Cristiano Ronaldo and a magician have in common?

Both do hat tricks.

  1. Girl: “What jersey should I buy?”

Guy: “Buy a goalie’s jersey!” Girl: “Why?” Guy: “So, I can tell people my girlfriend’s a keeper.”

  1. Did you hear about the soccer player who lived passed a 100?

He’s still alive and kicking.

  1. What soccer club do sheep’s like?


  1. Why did the soccer player kick the grass?

Because it was being a pitch.

  1. What does a soccer player say on Halloween?

“Hat Trick or Treat!”

  1. Why did the soccer ball say ow?

Because the man kicked him.

  1. Guy: “Wanna go out?”

Girl: “I have a boyfriend.” Guy: “It’s just like soccer. Just because there’s a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score.”

  1. What are successful forwards always trying to do?

Reach goals.

  1. Which soccer player keeps the field neat?

The sweeper.

  1. Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?

To get to the other slide.

  1. Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

  1. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

A soccer coach.

  1. Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?

They hog the ball.

  1. Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?

Because they’ve both been beaten.

  1. Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?

The defense cleared it.

  1. Why couldn’t the soccer team lose a goal?

They always had a goal keeper.

  1. What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?

Eleven after nine.

  1. What do you get when you cross a soccer goalie and the Invisible Man?

Goal tending like no one has ever seen.

  1. What did the soccer goalie say to the ball?

“Catch ya later.”

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball.

  1. Why is it always warmer after a soccer game?

All the fans have left.

  1. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a soccer ball. How do you get out?

Unlock the door and pull the handle.

  1. What happens to soccer players who go blind?

They become referees.

  1. Why are swimmers good at soccer?

Because they dive a lot.

  1. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?

Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

  1. Last weekend I went to see my girlfriend’s soccer match, and she did this awesome save.

She’s definitely a keeper!

  1. Why are soccer players so artistic?

Because every game ends in a draw.

  1. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?


  1. Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches.

It’s a game of feet.

  1. Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the internet?

Because they can’t stop saving their work.

  1. Knock, knock!

Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda buy a new soccer ball?

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anyone in this town play soccer?

  1. Knock, knock!

Who’s there? Les. Les who? Les go and play soccer!

  1. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear?

Because he enjoyed sole music.

  1. When fish play football, who is the captain?

The team’s kipper!

  1. You know what they say about guys with big hands!

They’re good goalies!

  1. How did the soccer pitch end up as triangle?

Somebody took a corner!

  1. Why couldn’t the star soccer player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

  1. Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?

They couldn’t string three W’s together.

  1. We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
  2. Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. But, compared to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
  3. Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without any goals.
  4. The soccer team and the U.S. Navy had one thing in common. They both spent over $50 million on a sub.
  5. There are many grounds religious children can practice their soccer skills. However, most of them love the prayground.
  6. When the pitch is flooded, soccer players can still go on. They just need to bring on their subs.
  7. Which bar downtown do soccer players hate striking on?


  1. What’s the difference between the England soccer team and a tea-bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

  1. How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None — they’re quite happy living in the shadows.

  1. What’s harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath!

  1. What do you get if you cross a soccer player and a mythical puppet?

A centaur forward.

  1. I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.

What a Messi guy.

  1. After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

  1. What’s the difference between a soccer referee and a politician?

When the referee gets paid, at least someone wins.

  1. Why are soccer players never asked out for dinner?

Because they’re always dribbling!

  1. Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?

Because there is no atmosphere!

  1. Which goalie can jump higher than the crossbars?

All of them. Crossbars can’t jump.

  1. I don’t care what anyone says about Neymar faking hurt.

He’s still my roll model.

  1. How does Neymar laugh?


  1. Neymar was found at a Celine Dion concert, screaming from pain and rolling around.

He was touched by the music.

  1. Soccer is a strange game.

It’s a bunch of people running away from their goals.

  1. A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she would not get angry if they told the truth. However, one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his mirror. Who’s lying? The mother is, we all know she will still get angry no matter what.
  2. Two flies are playing soccer on a plate.

One says to the other, “You’d better pick up your game, Louie. We’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”

  1. Why do moms all over the world hate the best player in soccer?

Because he is Messi.

  1. I used to be the worst player on my football team, but then I moved to America.

Now I’m the worst player on my soccer team.

  1. I started watching soccer because it’s very relevant to my life.

Little to no goals.

  1. I tried to start a soccer club, so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board to get the ball rolling.

Soccer Pick up Lines

Soccer can be funny, but it can also be used to sweet talk the cuties in your life. Here are several pickup lines that are sure to get sparks flying and the ball rolling.

  1. Do you have a jersey?

Because I need your name and number.

  1. Do you play soccer?

Because I think I’m gonna score tonight.

  1. I bet you play soccer because you’re a keeper.
  2. If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?

You’re allowed to use your hands in this game.

  1. Can I take a few shots at your goal?
  2. Are you Messi?

Cause I am dribbling all over you.

  1. Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions.

Just letting you know!

  1. If you were a soccer ball, I’d never shoot.

Because I would always miss you.

  1. Are you Suarez?

‘Cause I’ll let you bite me anytime.

  1. Did you know I’m the Ronaldo of lovers?
  2. Is your name Arjen?

Because you’re Robben my heart.

  1. I play soccer all the time…

So, I’m really good at foostie.

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