Anyone else beginning to feel like they’re missing that galaxy far, far away? With no new Star Wars movie to look forward to this holiday season, we’re feeling a bit verklempt. Sure. There’s The Mandalorian, which we love, and the various animated shows, which we tolerate. But, it’s just not quite as cinematic or familiar as seeing Han, Rey, Leia, or Chewie. And, honestly, we’d like to spend more time with the newest droid, D-O. But, alas, we aren’t getting more Star Wars… at least not any time soon. So, we’ll have to look for other ways to lift our wookiee-lovin’ spirits. Like, maybe some jokes?
These jokes are all set a long time ago on planets we’ve only visited on-screen, but that doesn’t make them any less funny. And if you get through these and still need more to laugh at? Well, there are also some pretty wild Star Wars pick-up lines.
Star Wars Jokes About Darth Vader
- How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
- What did Darth Vader say to the Emperor at the Star Wars auction?
“What is thy bidding, my master?”
- How did Darth Vader cheat at poker?
He kept altering the deal.
- What did Darth Vader say when he walked into a vegetarian restaurant?
“I find your lack of steak disturbing.”
- What do you call an evil procrastinator?
- Why are there no stairs in the Death Star?
Because everyone uses the ele-vader.
- What is a Jedi’s favorite toy?
- Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
He has a green thumb.
- Why did episodes four, five, and six come out before one, two, and three?
In charge of directing, Yoda was.
- What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
A toy Yoda.
- Why can’t you count on Yoda to pick up the tab?
Because he’s always a little short.
- What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? “May divorce be with you.”
- Baby Yoda’s first word… Probably came after his second word.
- Why was Yoda afraid of seven? Because six, seven, eight.
- Did you know Yoda had a last name? It was Layheehoo.
- What kind of car does Master Yoda drive? A Volkswagen Jedi.
- Yoda’s been tracing his family tree. It’s an evergreen.
- What did Yoda say after borrowing E I E from old Macdonald? “E I E, I owe.”
- How can you tell if a sheep has met Yoda? Dago Bah.
- Why was Yoda bad at geometry? Because to him, there are no triangles, only do-or-do-not-angles.
- What did Yoda say after he turned a boy turned away when he tried to order a pie from his bakery? “Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
- What did the specter of Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the bartender?
“Give me a beer and a mop.”
- What did Obi-Wan say at the rodeo?
“Use the horse, Luke!”
- What did Obi-Wan tell Luke when his young apprentice was having a difficult time using chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant?
“Use the fork, Luke.”
- What’s the name of Obi-Wan’s twin brother?
- What do you call Kenobi triplets?
- Which Star Wars character travels around the world?
- Which program does a Jedi use to open PDF files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi.
- Which Jedi became a rock star?
Bon Jovi-Wan Kenobi.
Han Solo Jokes
- What do you call it when only one Star Wars character gives you a round of applause?
A Hand Solo.
- What did Han Solo say to the waiter who recommended the haddock?
“Never sell me the cods.”
- What was Luke’s secret codename before he got his mechanical limb?
- Han Solo’s name changed when he married Leia. What did he change it to?
- What is Han Solo’s favorite rapper?
Chewbacca & Ewok Jokes
- What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur?
A chocolate chip Wookiee!
- Have you tried the gluten-free Wookiee treats?
No, but I heard they were a little chewie.
- Which website did Chewbacca get arrested for creating?
- An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and… soda.”
The bartender says, “Sure thing — but why the little pause?” “Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.”
- How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?
- How does Wicket get around Endor?
- What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
Other Funny Star Wars Jokes
- What do you call five Siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A Sith kebab.
- What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding?
Bow ties, of course!
- How do you get down from a bantha?
You don’t. You get down from a goose.
- What do you call a bird of prey with a thousand lives?
A millennium falcon!
- Where do Gungans store their fruit preserves?
- Why did Jabba win the pizza contest?
Because no one out pizzas the Hutt.
- What’s a Rebel’s favorite TV talent show?
- Why was the droid angry?
Because people kept pushing his buttons.
- What’s a baseball player’s least favorite Star Wars movie?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
- What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?
- What do Jedis order at Chinese restaurants?
- What do you get if you mix a bounty hunter with a tropical fruit?
- A clone trooper walks into a pub and asks the barman, “Hey, have you seen my brother?”
“I dunno,” says the barman, “What does he look like?”
- What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly?
Game of Clones.
- How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil?
Since the Sith Grade.
- What do you need to reroute droids?
- Is BB hungry?
- What’s the internal temperature of a tauntaun?
- Where does Kylo Ren get his creepy black clothes?
From his closet.
- What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school?
- What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
Time to get a new chronometer.
- Did you hear about the Gungan who became a taxicab driver?
His name is Car Car Binks.
- Where did Luke get his bionic hand?
From a second-hand store.
- What do you call an invisible droid?
- Why are Death Star pilots fed up with space battles?
Because they always end up in a TIE.
- Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?
To get to the Dark Side.
- How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file to hide their numbers.
- Which Star Wars character lives in Florida?
- How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Xmas?
He felt his presents.
- Yoda looks at Darth Vader and asks, “Rule the galaxy, you do. But at what cost?!”
Vader thinks for a moment and replies, “It was expensive… It cost an arm and a leg.” After a short pause, Vader says, “Two legs in fact.”
- Apparently, Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin.
His name is Tax E. Vader.
- How does Darth Vader eat?
He force-feeds himself.
- What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael’s albums?
“I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
- What’s Darth Vader’s favorite measurement system?
The Imperial System.
- Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?
Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.
- Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
So it doesn’t Hang Solow.
- What is Admiral Ackbar’s favorite type of music?
- What do you call a rebel princess who only shops at Whole Foods?
- What do you call an eel that loves the new Star Wars trilogy?
A More-Rey Eel.
- Where does Princess Leia shop for Father’s Day?
At the Darth Maul.
- What did Leia’s adoptive parents say when she used to sleepwalk as a child?
“Uh-oh, it’s the rise of Skywalker.”
- Why did the tapeworm stay far away from Palpatine?
He didn’t want anyone to say he was in Sidious.
- Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, “I miss people.”
I’m not too sympathetic. They always miss people.
- What position does Darth Vader play in baseball?
- Why was Darth Vader bad at sports?
He always choked.
- Why did Princess Leia date so many guys before she found Han?
She was looking for love in Alderaan places.
- Who did Princess Leia’s hair?
- Why did Princess Leia send a distress call to Francis?
Because he was her only Pope.
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