90 Water Jokes That Will Leave You Crying Salty Tears of Joy

90 Water Jokes That Will Leave You Crying Salty Tears of Joy

December 12, 2019 Updated April 22, 2021

water jokes
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We know: water doesn’t seem very funny. It’s life sustaining, sure, but it’s kind of blah, right? Think again. The H2 to the O is prime for tons of LOLs. Don’t believe us? We rounded up the funniest kid-friendly jokes, puns, and one-liners about water that will leave you swimming in tears of laughter.

Water may seem simple, but it can actually be a lot of fun. We’re not just talking about the beach or pool. Water can be funny. We’ve scoured the internet for the most creative and original jokes to make you laugh. It’s strange to think something so basic can produce so many side-splitting jokes. We have more than 80 jokes to prove it and bonus: They are totally safe for work, family gatherings, and the kids. So what are you waiting for? It’s time to dive in! Who knew water could be so entertaining?

  1. A friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water.
    I think he meant well.
  2. Every time I take a drink from a bottle, it keeps pouring back.
    Must be spring water.
  3. On a flight, off on holiday. The cabin crew member asked what I wanted to drink.
    “Water”.
    “Still?”
    “Well, I haven’t changed my mind…”
  4. Where can you find an ocean with no water?
    On a map!
  5. What kind of rocks are never under water?
    Dry ones!
  6. Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
    They dropped out of school!
  7. H20 is water, but what is H204?
    It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
  8. Who carries out operations in water?
    A sturgeon.
  9. How do you get a pen across some water?
    Biro-ing.
  10. What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
    Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
  11. What happens when you get water on a table?
    It becomes a pool table.
  12. There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
    Number one. And number two.
  13. What did one ocean say to another?
    Nothing, it just waved.
  14. What runs, but never walks?
    Water!
  15. As raindrops say, two’s company, three’s a cloud.
  16. What keeps a dock floating above water?
    Pier pressure.
  17. Why does the river have problems remembering things?
    Because she is becoming sea nile.
  18. Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
    She thought he was too shallow.
  19. What did the bottled water tell the spy?
    The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
  20. Why does water never laugh at jokes?
    It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
  21. How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
    If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
  22. How do you make holy water?
    Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
  23. Love watching running water on the internet.
    Was watching a live stream.
  24. Wanted to play water polo but couldn’t get the horses to swim.
  25. A man walks into a library and asks for a bottle of water.
    The librarian says “this is a library!”.
    The man whispers “sorry, a bottle of water, please”.
  26. What do mermaids sleep on?
    Water beds!
  27. What do you get when you throw a billion books into the ocean?
    A title wave!
  28. What kind of hair did the ocean have?
    Wavy!
  29. Who cleaned the bottom of the ocean?
    A Mer-Maid
  30. Why were the student’s grades underwater?
    They were all below C level.
  31. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
    Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat.
  32. When does it rain money?
    When there is “change” in the weather.

    water jokes
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  33. If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
    H2O cubed.
  34. If H20 is water what is H204?
    Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming…
  35. A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
    Schwepped her off her feet.
  36. What did the bottle of water say to the spy?
    The names Bond…. Hydrogen bond.
  37. There are 2 reasons why you shouldn’t drink toilet water.
    Number 1 and Number 2.
  38. What happens if you throw a white hat into the Black Sea?
    It gets wet!
  39. Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Water?
    Water who?
    Water you waiting for? Open the door!
  40. The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
    You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
  41. What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
    Fo’ Drizzle.
  42. Why do male dogs float in water?
    Because they’re good buoys.
  43. When does it start to rain money?
    When there is change in the weather.
  44. Why are oceans so meticulous?
    They like to be pacific.
  45. What did the sink say to the water faucet?
    You’re a real drip.
  46. Why does the river never get lost?
    She always finds the right pathwave.
  47. How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
    He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
  48. What did one water bottle say to another?
    Water you doing today?
  49. Why is the ocean always on time?
    She likes to stay current.
  50. What can you do if you are the ocean?
    Watever you want.RELATED: 100+ Nature Jokes That Will Put A Tree-mendous Smile On Your Face
  51. Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
    Well, well, well.
  52. What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
    Dam it.
  53. What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
    Hail, of course!
  54. What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
    Reign!
  55. WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
    HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
    WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
    HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
    WIFE: “In the pool.”
  56. That Awkward moment when you pay $2 for Evian water and notice if spelled backwards you’re Naive.
  57. If Smart water is so smart then how did it get bottled?
  58. In the future water will be like sarcasm.
    No one will get it.
  59. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
    Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
  60. Why did the ocean leave the party early?
    She was getting really tide.
  61. RIP Boiled water….you will be mist.
  62. Adele might set fire to rain… But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
  63. Why is a river an amazing roommate?
    He just likes to go with the flow.
  64. I asked my friend to name two places where you could store water
    He was stumped. “Well, damn.”
  65. Why do poets always write about the sea?
    They just can’t fathom her depths.
  66. Why did the lake date the river?
    He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
  67. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
    Damn!
  68. My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
    I know he means well.
  69. Why don’t you see a school in the ocean?
    They just can’t wade through all that homework.
  70. How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
    You use spring water.RELATED: 20+ Shark Jokes And Puns For The ‘Baby Shark’ Enthusiast In Your Life
  71. Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
    It was a buoy!
  72. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
    Professional courtesy.
  73. What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
    Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
  74. What did an impatient pot of water say to the noodles?
    Udon!?
  75. What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
    Hot cross bunnies.
  76. Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
    The Supreme Quart.
  77. Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…
    I was shocked.
  78. If you ever feel blue, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep.
    That will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
  79. What do you call a melted snowman?
    Water.
  80. What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
    The weekend.
  81. What do you call a wet teddy bear?
    A drizzly bear.
  82. Why are the Great Lakes running out of water?
    Because Americans are drinking Canada Dry.
  83. Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
    The closest ISOBAR.
  84. All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water,
    and it’s 100% not pizza.
  85. What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
    England.
  86. If H20 is water what is H204?
    Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming.
  87. What state does the Mississippi River flow in?
    Liquid.
  88. What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time?
    “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
  89. What do you call a car focused on crossing the river?
    Ford Focus.
  90. How did the crab cross the river?
    He took a taxi crab.
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