50+ Quotes That Prove Winston Was New Girl's Best Roomie

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winston 'new girl' quotes

Anyone else feel like Winston Bishop was severely underappreciated on New Girl? Our girl, Winnie the bish, was real. Despite kidnapping a cat and having his own odd eccentricities, he was somehow the most well-adjusted of the roommates. While he certainly loved Nick, Jess, Schmidt, and Coach, he had no problem calling each of them on their BS. He told Schmidt when he was being too silky post-breakup, and he may have been one of the deciding factors in Nick’s eventual writing success. He believed in his friends — without over-inflating their egos. All it takes is a cursory glance at some of the best Winston ‘New Girl‘ quotes to be reminded of his wisdom and witty retorts. And we’d be remiss not to mention that he kinda had one of the most hilarious but still functional romantic relationships on the show.

Plus, who doesn’t adore a man with a BFF (best feline friend)?

Looking for more quotes from your favorite sitcoms. Check out our quotes packages for Friends, The Office, Golden Girls, Parks and Recreation, and more!

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Everyone loves to quote Schmidt and Nick. Listen, we get it! Schmidt’s arrogance and Nick’s grouchiness both led to some seriously great lines. And let’s face it, Nick Miller is a pretty relatable guy, especially to people with anxiety or depression. But Winston had some equally memorable moments… and even some better lines, too (we said what we said). These are our absolute favorite Winston ‘New Girl‘ quotes.

Winston From ‘New Girl’ Quotes

1 “‘Eye of the Tiger’ is the greatest song ever written. It’s so cool, it ended the Cold War!”

2. “I mean, I have never wondered if you could shimmy up a palm tree. It looks like an open Swiss Army knife!”

3. “I’m the best with pranks. They call me Prank Sinatra!”

4. “You can’t even wash your own underwear, you dumbass!”

5. “Was that your Eddie Murphy? That was so bad, it wasn’t even offensive.”

6. “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!”

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7. “If I was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.”

8. “I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.”

9. “I don’t want to lie to you, so I’m not: There’s shells all in these eggs.”

10. “She’s being straight up discourteous.”

11. “Are we eating or are we not eating?”

12. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was my fault that your life sucks and you’re so miserable.”

13. “If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?”

14. “An eye for an eye, a cat for a cat.”

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15. “Your daughter sucks, OK? She is a demon seed. She is the spawn of Satan. And I do believe I speak for the entire human race when I say that people like her should not be building robots.”


17. “Look at yourself! You look like one of those guys who crawls out of the grave in the ‘Thriller’ video.”

18. “Ey yo, CeCe! Whaddup, fam? It’s yo girl, Winston, aka Winnie the bish, aka-aka-aka Brown Lightning. Schmidt dropped Fawn like a bad habit, so ain’t nobody riding shotgun. So, you better get on while the getting’s good. You get it?”

20. “Nick, it’s not that hard, man. Just sit down and write. You ain’t Hemingway.”

21. “Ah, please. You’re an eight. You’re an eight and one-fifth. Everybody knows I’m a sweet, sweet six.”

22. “You’re having sex. Not inventing it. It can’t be that good.”

23. “It is my Secret Santa alias.”

24. “Ain’t no way in hell I got a cat brothel in my room, and I’m the only normal person in this loft.”

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25. “You’re not a finisher at all, man. That’s why you didn’t finish law school. The same reason why you’re only three episodes into Downton Abbey. I get it, man. You’re scared, and that’s OK. Be scared. Just stop wasting my time.”

26. “That’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.”

27. “Schmidt, being Black means whatever I want it to mean. And, you know, the fact of the matter is, I live in a loft with three people who happen to be white. But believe you me, there is so much more that I find annoying about you that I haven’t even gotten to race.”

28. “Nick, this is the worst thing I have ever read in my entire life. You misspelled the word ‘rhythm’ 38 times.”

29. “Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!”

30. “Men of means.”

31. “I’m about to take Aly to Mount Smushmore.”

32. “A lot of people don’t know this, but Aly’s full name is Alyson.”

33. “That’s too much whisky for my frame.”

34. Jess: “Sometimes I think I was bred in a lab to help people.”

Winston: “You know what else they bred in a lab? Pugs.”

35. “You know what would be nice? A wedding invitation engraved on a plate. What a magical wedding that would be.”

36. “It’s too small to be a cat hotel and too big to be pants, so it can’t be mine.”

37. “Actually, the dance class has become more of a dance gathering.”

38. “As a cop, do you think I would get anyone to do anything if I were being kind and supportive?”

39. “I adore gas station television me, myself, personally. It is the intersection between information and gas.”

40. “Me owe you? You ditched me when we were supposed to run away from school together. I built that raft for nothing.”

41. “I may or may not have done an extensive amount of research on wedding dresses.”

42. Nick: “I’m trying my hardest to look poor.”

Winston: “You are poor.”

43. Winston: “Live from New York, it’s Coach’s goodbye!”

Jess: “Show’s over.” Winston: “We ain’t doing this?”

44. “I will say only one thing about that man that I’ve only said about Ryan Gosling… hot damn!”

45. “The only thing I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. ibuprofen, minus the Mister.”

46. “Nobody’s getting pregnant tonight! That’s the same thing I say on my dates.”

47. Nick: “Men don’t talk to people they’ve dated unless they want sex, or they’re Winston.”

Winston: “I also want sex.”

48. “I’m staying positive, but I’m pretty sure this is where we die.”

49. “I know you’re lying, and I’m hurt, but I’m gonna eat this, anyway.”

50. “I had dibs on her since the first grade dude.”

51. “I’ve been chasing you for miles like a murderer.”

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