Whether you’re a pilot, a frequent traveler, or just someone who happens to be really into aviation (hey, we all have our hobbies, right?), airplane jokes are undoubtedly in your wheelhouse. Or should we say wing-house? After all, between the constipation-inducing food, the negative legroom, the delays, reroutes, and cancellations, basically air travel is the freaking pits. For some, an airplane can even be a very scary place.
But for most of us, it’s the only way to get from point A to point B with minimal tears. You could be one of the rare travelers who loves that middle seat experience, for all we know.
Regardless, if you want to put any possible flying anxiety at ease, it helps to laugh. And nothing puts you in a better mood than a silly joke. Either way, we’ve gone ahead and rounded up our absolute favorite airplane jokes, puns, and riddles to keep you entertained for a while.
- Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?
In a cliff-hangar.
- Why do people take an instant dislike to flight attendants?
To save time later.
- Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
I just can’t see them taking off.
- A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
“Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.
“No more,” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”
- What is the difference between God and an airline pilot?
God doesn’t think he’s an airline pilot.
- A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini.
“You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?”
“Yes, just as our flight was about to take off, we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.”
“What was the problem?” the bartender asks.
“The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine,” she replies. “It took us a while to find a new pilot.”
- Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
- Why do flight attendants make great astronauts?
They know how to take up space.
- What has a nose and flies, but can’t smell?
- A plane lands, and shortly after, the flight attendant comes over the speaker.
“Hi, folks! Sorry about that rough landing. It wasn’t the captain’s fault. It definitely wasn’t my fault…
It was the asphalt.”
- I asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of a crying baby next to me.
It turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.
- What did the Klingon say to the flight attendant?
“Today is a good day to fly.”
- I decided to leave work an hour early today.
The flight attendants started freaking out when I grabbed my parachute, though.
- What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
“Put me in coach.”
- A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors, and suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”
Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but…”
- What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A “plane in the neck.”
- Where are the Great Plains located?
At the great airports.
- Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?
The Wrong Brothers.
- A man walks up to the counter at the airport.
“Can I help you?” asks the agent.
“I want a roundtrip ticket,” says the man.
“Where to?” asks the agent.
“Right back to here,” he replies.
- I tried to carry my board game onto the airplane, but security said I couldn’t do it.
The risk was too big.
- I threw my phone from the roof, and it broke.
I guess airplane mode wasn’t working.
- How often do airplanes crash?
- A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk said, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
- I have a really good airplane joke I want to share…
But I think it might go over your head.
- When Chuck Norris walks through airport security, he makes them take off their shoes.
- It was mealtime on an airplane, and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner.
“What are my choices?” the passenger asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
- What do airplane builders say about their job?
- I have this new idea for an airplane,
But I don’t think it’s gonna fly.
- What do you call an airplane that flies backward?
A receding airline.
- A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way.
To which Yoda responded, “Off course, we are.”
- What do you call the Swiss president’s airplane?
- What happens to a bad airplane joke?
It never lands.
- Two pilots are discussing piloting. One asks, “Why did you become a pilot?”
One asks, “Why did you become a pilot?”
He responds, “To overcome my fears.”
The other asks, “Which one? Heights?”
To which he responds, “Dying alone.”
- What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seatbelts.
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- Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, send one to Miami.”
She said, “We can’t do that!”
I told her, “You did it last week!”
- Why do Stormtroopers make the best pilots?
They never hit anything.
- A vulture walks into an airplane with a rotting corpse.
The flight attendant screams, “You cannot bring that on this plane.”
The vulture says, “It’s just my carrion.”
- What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?
I’m only going to demonstrate this once, so look closely.
- Why is development in airplane engineering so slow?
Everyone is afraid to make a groundbreaking design.
- My son saw an airplane in the sky, and he asked me what it was doing.
I said it was running air.
- Things a pilot can’t say in a job interview:
- Yesterday, I saw a police officer wearing a pilot’s uniform.
I thought it was a bit odd.
Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops.
- What if a dog flew the first airplane?
Well, it just wouldn’t be Wright.
- Why couldn’t the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?
He hadn’t broken the sound barrier yet.
- Have you heard of the TV show about the airplane?
It sorta crashed and burned, but I think it’s because the pilot wasn’t very good.
- What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously?
- What do you call it when you’re sick of being in the airport?
- What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?
A flying sorcerer.
- What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
- Why can’t spiders become pilots?
Because they only know how to tailspin.
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- Where can you find Tom Cruise on a flight?
In Risky Business.
- What do you call a flying primate?
A hot air baboon.
- A plane crashed, and every single person died, except two. Why?
Because they were a couple.
- What do you call the movie where pilots fight to take off?
The Hanger Games.
- Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
- My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?”
Our jump master looked at him and, in perfect deadpan, answered, “The rest of your life.”
- A man parachuted out of an airplane, and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?”
The man replied in passing, “No, you know anything about gas stoves?”
- A woman called an airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”
I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and rollover.
This flummoxed the customer: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
- I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
- Why did the students study in the airplane?
Because they wanted higher grades.
- Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
- Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?
Because it was overbooked.
- What do you call a plane that can’t take off?
An error plane.
- How do rabbits travel?
- An American pilot is flying a small plane across Australia. He crashes into the Outback and is knocked unconscious. When he comes to, he’s in a hospital with a nurse standing over him. Still groggy and pretty much out of it, he asks, “Did you bring me here to die?” And the nurse responds, “Nah, ya got here yesta die.”
- Why is mail that goes by sea called “CARgo” and mail that goes by land called “SHIPment”?
- What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them?
What sound did the 777 airplane make when it started bouncing up and down?Boeing boeing boeing.
- Flight Announcement: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.”
- Flight Announcement: “Last one off the plane has to clean it.”
- Surely you can fly this plane!
Yes, I can. And don’t call me Shirley.
- What is a fleet of helicopters called?
- My friend started a business selling helicopters.
It’s really starting to take off.
- I’m a helicopter instructor.
It has its ups and downs.
- Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?
Hey, Look Up There!
- How does cupid visit his girlfriend?
On an arrow-plane!
- What’s the deal with airline food?
This is not a joke. I think it’s really plane.
- The airline food made me sick on my way to Germany.
It was the wurst.
- I’ve never been in a plane before, so I never knew what the deal with airline food was.
Does that mean the joke went over my head?
- What do you do with wood after you cut and split it?
- What do you call Harry Potter on a plane?
The flying sorcerer.
- What do you get if you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing Constrictor.
- Did you hear about the young pilot who flew through a rainbow during his pilot’s exam?
He passed with flying colors.
- As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and says, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”
She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt, and says, “Here, iron this!”
- A teacher was arrested on an airplane after his bag was searched. Police found a protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. They charged him with possessing implements of math instruction.
- Accidentally, an airplane dropped a shipment of oranges, knives, and bombs onto an island. So, the pilot lands the plane to retrieve the items. While walking down the road, he notices a beggar laughing with joy.
He asks him, “Why are you laughing?” The beggar responds, “I was walking down the road and oranges fell from heaven!”
After getting the oranges, the pilot continued walking down the road. He approached a beggar who was crying. “What happened?” He asked the beggar. “I was walking down the road and knives fell from heaven!”
He continued down the road, searching for the last items. He then approached a kid crying with laughter.
“Why are you laughing?” asked the pilot. The kid replied, “I farted, and the building behind us exploded.”
- I really wanted to build an airplane,
But the idea never really took off.
- Who invented the paper airplane?
The Write Brothers.
- An ant falls out of an airplane, how did it die?
Starved to death on the way down.
- Airplanes are atheists, but jets are religious.
Why? Because Jetspray.
- What’s the difference between an airplane and a baby?
An airplane goes from city to city, a baby goes from tiddy to tiddy.
- As I sat in my airplane seat for the 16-hour flight, I tried to get comfortable.
Then I remembered that I was in economy.
- I don’t find airplane jokes funny.
To me, they’re just really Boeing
- Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
He had a bad altitude.
- What has a nose and flies but can’t smell?
- Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up!
- A book never written: Flying for Beginners by Landon Safely.
- Chuck Norris put his phone on airplane mode… and flew it.
- Why do they have frosted glass on airplane toilet windows?
Who knows — it’s not like anyone’s going to look in at 30,000 feet.