There are people who like dolphins… and then there are people who really like dolphins. If you’re one of the latter animal lovers, you make it known. You probably have a dolphin tattoo on your ankle or lower back. Your shelf might be covered in a glass menagerie that mostly consists of leaping dolphins. If you’re dolphin-obsessed, you’ve probably paid good money to feed or swim or paint with said finned animals. No judgment. After all, it’s not like you can go full “cat lady” or “dog person” and rescue a bunch of dolphins to live in your home. You have to find other fun ways to show your love and appreciation. That’s precisely why you need dolphin jokes and puns in your life.
Admittedly, we like dolphins but also think they’re a little sus. Dolphins are fantastically smart — smarter than any other fish in the sea. It’s even been suggested that they could be smarter than humans. Who wouldn’t be suspicious of that? In nearly every picture or video you see of a dolphin, they seem to be smirking, smiling, or even laughing. What amuses them so much? Probably idiot humans. They know they’re smarter than us. And that’s an attitude that just can’t be trusted.
We’re only half-serious, of course. Like goats or camels, there’s plenty to laugh at when it comes to dolphins, too. We rounded up quite a collection of jokes, all written at dolphins’ expense. Just, ya know, don’t let Flipper catch you making fun of him. Who knows what he’s capable of.
Best Dolphin Jokes and Puns
- Why was the dolphin so grumpy?
He ate too many crabs.
- Did you know that dolphins sometimes eat cephalopods like an octopus?
Seriously, I’m not squidding.
- If dolphins didn’t live in the ocean and lived on land instead, which country would they live in?
- What do you call a person from Finland who is extremely boring?
- What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
“It wasn’t on porpoise!”
- What currency do dolphins use?
- Why don’t dolphins ever play tennis?
Because they’re too scared of the net.
- Why do dolphins enjoy living in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
- What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune!
- What does a dolphin ask when he doesn’t understand?
“Can you be more Pacific?”
- Did you know dolphins can squirt ink?
- What did the Mama dolphin say when the Baby dolphin was late for dinner?
Nothing, she just flipped!
- What’s the best way to hear what dolphins have to say?
Listen to their podcast.
- How do dolphins make decisions?
They flipper coin.
- What did people say when the dolphin walked on water?
“It’s just a fluke!” (Fluke = a dolphin’s tail.)
- What did the dolphin say when the priest tossed him a fish?
- Where do dolphin races end?
At dol-phinish line!
- What is a dolphin’s favorite game to play at parties?
- Where do dolphins go to sleep?
In their water beds!
- What should dolphins always have to stay healthy?
- When the dolphin was feeling sad, how did the octopus make him laugh?
- Why do dolphins always fail their school tests?
Because they work below C level.
- What did Cinderella dolphin lose at the ball?
Her glass flipper.
- How do sick dolphins get to the underwater hospital?
- What did the ocean say to the dolphin?
Nothing, it just waved!
- What did the dolphin say when he avoided going to prison?
“I’m off the hook.”
- What did the man say to the dolphin at the magic show?
“Pick a cod, any cod!”
- What made the dolphin suddenly blush?
It saw the ocean’s bottom.
- Why did the dolphins get married?
They were head over fins in love.
- What did the dolphin policeman say to his partner at the crime scene?
“Something smells fishy.”
- What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop telling lies?
“Stop spouting nonsense!”
- Why was the dolphin so sad?
His life had no porpoise.
- What do dolphins use to clean their houses?
- Why did the dolphin cross the road?
To get to the other tide.
- What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper.
- Who helps sick dolphins at the underwater hospital?
- Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
- What do dolphins say when they hear bad jokes?
“That’s the seal-iest thing I’ve ever heard.”
- What is a dolphin’s favorite holiday?
- I went swimming with dolphins yesterday, but there was one problem.
They were too clicky.
- What did the baby dolphin say when he was sad?
Nothing, he just whaled!
- What happened to the dolphin that left SeaWorld to have a family in the ocean?
She was reporpoised.
- How do dolphins send all their messages?
- I was doing an aquarium tour when we finally arrived at my favorite stop, the dolphins! The dolphins were split into two separate tanks. In the first tank, they were all frolicking about, playing with balls, and doing flips. In the second tank, the dolphins were training and swimming around seriously, trying to master new tricks.
I asked the guide, “Is this tank here for the more serious dolphins?” The guide replied, “Yes, for all intensive porpoises.”
- I find it bizarre that people are all of a sudden really concerned about plastic straws harming dolphins.
They have been breaking camels’ backs for years now.
- Dolphins are so smart that they can study in a library.
The only problem is that it kills them.
- How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!
- If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
It cost me an arm and a leg!
This article was originally published on