Even “nerdy gamers” need a good laugh now and then. Luckily, there’s always plenty to laugh at while campaigning or gaming. From failed spells to teasing those in your party, playing Dungeons and Dragons can lead to some pretty funny moments… especially with a good Dungeon Master. Or, ya know, if anyone invites their newbie friend who’s dead set on being a halfling. Because, honestly, what else are halflings good for if not to laugh at their expense? Enter, Dungeons and Dragons jokes.
Of course, jokes come in all shapes and sizes — and some jokes floating around the internet are more offensive than funny. It’s one thing to poke fun at Dungeons and Dragons’ fictional races of orcs and paladins. It’s another (unacceptable) thing entirely for those jokes to be rooted in real-life racism. So, suffice it to say, we did us all a favor skipped that wretched stuff. We stuck to the funny ha-ha DnD jokes out there because, really, who couldn’t use a bit more feel-good laughter these days?
And if after reading through these you’re dying for more jokes, well, we’ve got those too. Tons of ’em. You might find our collection of banana jokes truly ap-pealing. There are also tons of jokes about farm animals, such as cows and pigs. Not to mention more quality nerd content, like jokes about science, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and more. Whatever you’re into, there’s a joke about it. But for now, feel free to geek out over these DnD zingers.
Dungeons and Dragons Jokes
- Why do paladins wear chain mail?
Because it’s holy armor.
- How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
You mean you’d trust a halfling with your candle?
- What’s the difference between a wizard and a sorcerer?
- What is a cleric’s favorite hot drink?
- How many halflings does it take to sharpen a sword?
Three. One to sharpen the sword and one to confuse the issue.
- How do you know if there’s a paladin in the party?
Trust me, you’ll know.
- What forest animal helps the druid get that nice green color for their robe?
A dyer wolf.
- What happens when a dark elf casts sleep on you?
You get drow-sy.
- What do you call an orc with two brain cells?
- Where does the ranger keep their arrows?
In the monsters!
- Three orcs walk into a bar…
the fourth one ducks.
- Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking?
It’s made of hide.
- What do you call a thousand-year-old fey?
- Why should you be worried about drow paladins?
Because they are lloth-ful evil.
- What do you get when you cross a zebra with an orangutan?
I don’t know, but I’m blaming the wizards again.
- Why do wizards like fireball so much?
It’s a well-rounded spell.
- Why do the elves have pointy ears?
There’s got to be some point to elves.
- How do you get a DnD player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8.
- How do you get a chord from half-orc bards?
Ask them to play the same note.
- What do you call that friend who always seizes the opportunity to run a Dungeons and Dragons game for your group?
A carpe DM.
- What’s a beholder’s favorite food?
- How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
Surprisingly, only one. It turns out they’re good for something after all.
- Why can’t a fallen paladin walk straight?
He’s out of alignment.
- Which body of water do you get bonuses to sail across?
- Why was the gnome artificer embarrassed when his clockwork crocodile stopped working?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
- What tool helps a wizard write the correct runes in their spell book?
- How many elves does it take to sharpen a sword?
Three. One to sharpen the sword and two to write a song about it, so that when the first elf is done, 400 years later, they’ll remember whose sword it was.
- What’s nine feet long, has six legs, and flies?
Three dead halflings!
- Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the experience.
- What is the name of the mineral that’s just out of reach and gives you a choice?
- How many humans does it take to replace a door?
Three. The first two to argue about which way the door should open and the third to hire a dwarf to fix it properly.
- How does the paladin protect themselves from the heat of a firebolt?
He turns up his AC!
- What do you call a magician who’s incredibly good at cooking?
- Never raise your hand to a halfling.
It leaves your coin purse unprotected.
- I designed a Dungeons and Dragons weapon for wizards. It’s a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it “Book Club.”
- The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.
I said, “Mimics.” The party laughed. The barkeep laughed. The table laughed. We killed the table. Good times.
- A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master, and a sheriff walk into a bar.
My friend shouts, “Wow! I’ve never seen anything like this. Isn’t this amazing?!” I replied, “Nah, I’ve seen Stranger Things.”
- I’m going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish, so I can carp a DM.
- What do you call someone who becomes a mushroom on the night of a full moon?
- What is the difference between a flumph and a half-orc bard walking across the city?
The flumph is going to attend a gig.
- How many trolls can light a candle?
Just one, but he is extremely cautious.
- Growing up, we were so poor we had to play Dungeons OR Dragons.
- A human, a half-orc, and an elf walk into a bar…
the dwarf walks under it.
- Why haven’t we had a playtest for psion in so long?
Because if you checked it out now, it’d blow your mind!
- Why did the halfling stop dating his war forged girlfriend?
She was too high maintenance.
- What’s a Dungeons and Dragons player’s favorite rap group?
- This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons and Dragons meeting.
He’s always sliding into my DMs.
- Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?
He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.
- Player: “I have a worthless character.”
DM: “Yes, and that bard you’re playing isn’t great either.”
- How do you know if your magic sword is blunt?
When it starts critiquing your form during combat.
- What’s a great Dungeon and Dragons joke?
- What happens when you stand on a d4?
Your foot takes 1d4 damage.
- What material is the magic skillet made of?
It’s made of cast iron.
- What does an ogre consider an armored knight?
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