Without Feather Ado

60 Side-Splitting Thanksgiving Jokes You’ll Gobble Up More Than Turkey

Squash boredom at the kids’ table with these zingers.

by Patricia Grisafi
Originally Published: 
Boy laughing with father on Thanksgiving — Thanksgiving jokes.
skynesher/Getty Images

Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family and dear friends, but it can be hard to bring everyone together while scrambling to get everything cooked or re-refilling your plate. Perhaps you’re hosting a big holiday get-together and want to entertain the kids with some pumpkin puns and funny Thanksgiving quotes, or perhaps you need dozens and dozens of jokes for kids to keep children and adults engaged. Luckily, we’ve got you covered. This Thanksgiving, instead of passing out in a tryptophan haze in front of whatever game of sportsball is on, why not share some belly laughs with these clean, kid-friendly Thanksgiving jokes? You can even use them to diffuse tension around the Turkey Day table (instead of slinging a half-baked comeback or insult you’ll regret later!).

That’s what we love most about food-centric punchlines — they’re universally appealing. Who doesn’t love a good laugh centered around something we all love to eat? And as soon as November hits, there’s one particular menu item we’re all thinking about: turkey. The time for Halloween jokes has passed, and Christmas puns and Hanukkah humor will have to wait a little longer. Right now, we’re serving up some deliciously campy Thanksgiving jokes your whole family will love.

Thanksgiving Jokes and Puns the Whole Family Will Love

  1. Why was the turkey in jail? Fowl play.
  2. How are Thanksgiving and Halloween different? One has gobblers, the other has goblins.
  3. What do you call a retired vegetable? A has-bean.
  4. What’s the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth.
  5. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”
  6. What kinds of cars would pilgrims drive today? Plymouth.
  7. What do you use to make Thanksgiving bread? May flour.
  8. What always comes at the beginning of a parade? The letter P.
  9. Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert? He was already stuffed.
  10. What’s inside a genie’s turkey? Wishbones.
  11. Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing? It will make him blush.
  12. What do vampires call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
  13. Why can’t you take a turkey to church? They use fowl language.
  14. Why was Thanksgiving dinner so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
  15. What happened to the turkey who got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
  16. Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To show he wasn’t chicken.
  17. What’s the most musical part of the turkey? The drumstick.
  18. What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he’s in pain? Pil-grimace.
  19. Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling down? Because his belt buckle was on his hat.
  20. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
  21. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? “Where’s pop corn?”
  22. What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? A poultrygeist.
  23. What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
  24. What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
  25. What’s Frankenstein’s favorite Thanksgiving dish? Monster mash potatoes and gravy.
  26. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships.
  27. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler.
  28. What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? “Quack, quack!”
  29. What key has legs and can’t open the door? A tur-key.
  30. When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving.
  31. If you call a large turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? Goblet.
  32. How did the salt and pepper greet the guests on Thanksgiving Day? “Seasoning’s greetings!”
  33. What did the turkey say before it was roasted? “Boy, I’m stuffed!”
  34. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Normally I wouldn’t eat this much!
  35. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip a big plate of turkey and start eating!
  36. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any Thanksgiving leftovers?
  37. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to wait much longer for the turkey?
  38. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Esther. Esther who? Esther any more sweet potato pie?
  39. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tamara. Tamara who? Tamara we’ll be having tons of leftovers.
  40. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda go watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade?
  41. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie more stuffing, and I’m going to get a stomach ache.
  42. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ava. Ava who? Ava seen a play about the first Thanksgiving?
  43. When is turkey soup bad for your health? When you are the turkey.
  44. What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
  45. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
  46. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
  47. What’s the best song to sing while you prepare your Thanksgiving turkey? “All About That Baste.”
  48. What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? “Good-pie, everyone.”
  49. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
  50. What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.
  51. Who scared the cranberry? The booberry.
  52. What do you call a pilgrim’s vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
  53. Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert? He’ll gobble, gobble it up!
  54. What did sick people do on the Mayflower? They went to the dock.
  55. Why do turkeys always go “gobble, gobble”? Because they never learned good table manners.
  56. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
  57. What was the turkey looking for at Toys “R” Us? Gobbleheads.
  58. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? “Wing, wing!”
  59. What do you call it when a turkey illegally tackles in football? A fowl.
  60. Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does a turkey come from? A poul-tree.

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