Got a kid into going through a sloth phase? Do they make you rewatch that one DMV scene in Zootopia just to watch the sloth take 18 minutes to stamp a document? Are they begging you to let them hang upside down like sloths?
Hey, we can’t say we blame your kiddo. Did you know sloths poop a third of their body weight in one go? Or that without their giant ancestor, the extinct giant ground sloths, we wouldn’t have any avocados? They would swallow the avocado seed whole and then poop them out around the world. And just to stay on the subject of sloths and their pooping, did you know they handle all their bathroom business on the ground? They literally risk their lives to potty in the dirt. They’re truly amazing creatures, and it’s no wonder your little nugget is obsessed. They’re basically heroes.
So encourage your cutie’s new obsession with some funnies in the form of sloth puns and jokes! Luckily for you, we’ve gone ahead and done all the work for you by rounding up the cutest sloth jokes, puns, and one-liners. We even have you covered if you’re looking for some impressive fun facts about sloths. Some of them will blow you away. E-n-j-o-y!
1. What did the tortoise say when she was dating the sloth?
“Let’s taake it sloooooow.”
2. I watched a GIF of a sloth for five minutes yesterday until I realized it was just an image.
3. What do sloths throw in winter?
4. What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle?
5. I watched a sloth eat a watch once.
It was very time-consuming.
6. What do you call intelligent sloths?
7. What do sloths make when it snows?
8. Ever heard the one about the sloth crossing the road?
Never mind, it’d take too long.
9. Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the BEAR minimum.
10. They say I have a body built for sin…
That sin being sloth.
11. What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth?
A slow leopard.
12. Why didn’t the sloth go extinct?
It didn’t plan on going anywhere.
13. When does a sloth go “moo”?
When it is learning a new language!
14. What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
15. Sloths never kiss on the first date…
They take it slow.
16. What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band?
17. What did the sloth say after a bunch of snails mugged him?
“It all happened so fast!”
18. How do you apologize to a sloth?
BEAR your heart and soul.
19. What’s a sloth’s favorite song?
Don’t Hurry, Be Happy.
20. Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open?
Because when it comes to energy, they’re conservative.
21. What did the grape say when the sloth stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
22. A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a BB gun in one hand and a sloth in the other.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy. “I’ll kiss its butt and let it go.”
23. I told my husband that the National Zoo’s sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies.
He said, “Now she’s guilty of two deadly sins: sloth and gluttony.”
24. A sloth goes to a bar to get drunk.
After a long time and a lot of drinks, the bartender asks the sloth why he is there.
The sloth replies, “I’m depressed, my wife is leaving me. I bet she’s already halfway through the kitchen.”
25. One sloth turned and said to the other, “I used to dislike moss…”
“But now I think it’s growing on me.”
26. Sloths are the most social animals.
They always want to hang out.
27. What does the sloth journalist read every morning when he gets to work?
A snooze paper.
28. Why did the sloth cross the road?
Nobody knows, he’s still trying.
Sloth Facts You’ll Love
Sloths aren’t just comedic fodder. They’re fascinating creatures! These sloth facts are sure to impress.
- They may be cute and cuddly, but don’t be fooled. Sloths are three times stronger than humans.
- They can starve to death on a full stomach because, if they get too cold, their bodies can no longer digest the food in their bellies.
- Sloths don’t have the best vision. In fact, they’re blind in bright daylight.
- Sloths may be slow on land, but they are super-quick in the water.
- It takes nearly 30 days for a sloth to digest one leaf.