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43+ Step Brothers Quotes Better Than The Catalina Wine Mixer

Dysfunctional brotherly love.

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Step Brothers Quotes
Sony Pictures Releasing

There’s no denying that Will Ferrell has some of the most quotable movies ever: Old School, Elf, Anchorman, Blades of Glory and, one of our personal favorites, Step Brothers. It’s hard to believe it’s been more than a decade since the world was gifted with such epic one-liners as “Did we just become best friends?” And while we’re still holding out hope for a sequel, another round of hilarity from Ferrell and John C. Reilly as Brennan Huff and Dale Doback may not be in the cards. Don’t get us wrong — we’re not giving up on the prospect. But since the coronavirus pandemic pretty much brought the movie industry to a grinding halt in 2020, any potential sequel would obviously be a ways off anyway. So, we did the next best thing by compiling all of the best Step Brothers quotes from the 2008 cult classic.

Enjoy! Just don’t laugh so hard you fall off your dinosaur. And when you’re done with these (and you aren’t doing karate in the garage or watching Cops), crack up over our quotes pages on Schitt’s Creek, The Office, Parks and Rec, Seinfeld, and Bridesmaids.

Step Brothers Quotes By Dale

1. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”

2. “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.”

3. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”

4. “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.”

5. “Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!”

6. “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”

7. “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!”

8. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.”

9. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!”

10. “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.”

11. “Get your shit, we’re going to my room.”

12. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.”

13. “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.”

By Brennan

1. “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.”

2. “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.”

3. “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!”

4. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.”

5. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.”

6. “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!”

7. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.”

8. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.”

9. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”

10. “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”

11. “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!”

Other Funny Step Brothers Quotes and Conversations

1. Dale: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?”

Brennan: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”

2. Dale: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.”

Brennan: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”

3. Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?”

Dale: “Yup.”

4. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” — Nancy

5. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’”

6. Dr. Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?”

Nancy: “Yes… it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.” Dr. Doback: “Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.” Nancy: (checks oven) “Couch pillows.”

7. Brennan: “Well, Pan…”

Pam: “No, it’s Pam.” Brennan: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?” Pam: “My name is Pam.” Brennan: “Pand, there’s a D on the end.” Pam: “No, there’s no D.”

8. Manager: (after Dale lets out a prolonged fart) “Was that a fart?”

Dale: “I don’t know.” Manager: “I can taste it. On my tongue.” Dale: “OK, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.” Manager: “Is that onion? Onion… and onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.”

9. Dale: “Brennan, you’re alive! Oh, my God!”

Brennan: “I know. I’m alive.” Dale: “You were dead. I saw you die.” Brennan: “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.”

10. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” — Alice

11. Nancy: “Guys. Guys. Guys!”

(both guys wake up and quote the last line from their dreams) Brennan: “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.” Dale: “The clown has no penis.” Nancy: “What kind of dreams are you guys having?”

11. “Yeah, I got ’em from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.” — Dale

12. Brennan: “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?”

Derek: “What?” Brennan: “If you lick my butthole.”

13. “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,’ and she grabs me by the wiener.” — Dale

14. Nancy: “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.”

Brennan: “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that shit up every day.”

15. “OK, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it; just do it. One, two, three.” — Dale

Step Brothers Quotes About the Drum Set

1. Dale: “Why are you so sweaty?”

Brennan: “I was watching Cops.”

2. Dale: “Did you rub your balls on my drums?”

Brennan: “No, I was watching Cops.” Dale: “I know for a fact that Cops doesn’t come on till four.”

3. Brennan: “I teabagged your drum set!”

4. Brennan: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, OK?”

Dale: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”

5. “I am warning you: If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” — Dale

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