We love a good joke and so do our kiddos. That’s why we’ve scoured the internet to find jokes on literally everything. Did you know there are tons of jokes specific to owls, llamas, cows, and pigs? No matter what you or your kid’s favorite animal is, there are jokes specifically tailored to those interests. And, if animals aren’t your thing there are also plenty of jokes related to literally all things in life, from our favorite season (Fall) to your kids’ favorite kind of weather (snow). In the world of comedy, nothing is off-limits. And, yes, that includes fish jokes. If your little one is obsessed with Ariel or is reckless like Nemo, you’ve come to the right place. Your little guppie will be in heaven when they discover you’ve got a list of marine life jokes up your sleeve.
The best thing about fish jokes is that they can go in so many fun directions. There are literally thousands of fish species whose names can be turned into puns or that rhyme with funnier words. Then, of course, there’s the act of fishing to consider. Humans sure do spend a fortune just to catch some fish. (A fact not lost on the jokesters.) So, here are some of our favorite fish-y jokes. Which are your favorites?
- What kind of fish only comes out at night?
- What did a shark eat with its peanut butter sandwich?
- Why did the fish get bad grades?
Because it was below sea level.
- What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something with a good tune-a!
- How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance.
- What did the shark say after eating a clownfish?
That tasted a little bit funny!
- What do whales have for dinner?
They eat fish and ships.
- What does every fisherman want?
- What do you call a fish with two legs?
A two-knee fish.
- How did the oyster manage to hide from the fish?
- What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you won’t get caught.
- Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they have their own scales.
- A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?”
The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”
- Where do fishermen go to get their hair cut?
The bobber shop.
- How do you talk to a fish?
You drop it a line.
- Two fish swam into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
- There was a massive fight today at the fish restaurant.
One fish got battered!
- Where does a fish keep its money?
- What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?
A big-mouthed bass.
- Why are fish cleverer than people?
Ever see a fish spend a fortune trying to catch a human?
- Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
One bird asks the other one “Does something smell a little fishy to you?”
- Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says…
“How do you drive this thing?”
- I have always admired fishermen.
They are reel men.
- What do you call a fish with lots of money?
- Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean?
He thought he saw a catfish.
- What type of music should you listen to whilst fishing?
- Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
- What’s the fastest fish in the lake?
- What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!
- What is the easiest way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it to you.
- There was a sale today at the fish market.
I went to see what the catch was.
- How many tickles will it take to make an octopus laugh?
- How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb – it was THIS big!
- Why don’t fish like basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
- Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
Boy: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!
- I sometimes just go fishing for the halibut!
- What do fish take to stay healthy?
- I made some fish tacos last night.
They just swam right past them.
- What is the most famous fish you can catch?
- What day of the week do all fish dislike the most?
- What do you call a fish that practices medicine?
- Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk.
- Why didn’t Noah do much fishing on the ark?
He only had two worms.
- Where do you find a fish in orbit?
- What do you call a fish with no eyes?
- Where do fish go to borrow money?
- Why is fishing such good business?
The net profits.
- What kind of fish eats mice?
- What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with a P.E sock?
A hook, line, and stinker!
- Which country do fish like to go for a vacation?
- Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together?
Because Robin ate all the worms!
- What do you call a lazy Crawfish?
- I am alive without breath and cold as death. I am never thirsty but always drinking. What am I?
- What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
- What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
- What is a pirate’s favorite fish?
- What do you call a rich fish?
- Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
- Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
- Why did the scuba divers start laughing when they got near the coral reefs?
They saw a clownfish.
- What do you call a dog underwater?
A Scooby diver.
- What’s the head of the underwater mafia called? The Codfather.
- So I started this new underwater band-project I hope you guys like aquapella!
- Who eats at underwater restaurants? Scuba diners.
- Did you know that there are more airplanes underwater …than submarines in the sky?
- I’ve bought an underwater craft in a bright green color. It’s sublime!
- When should you be afraid of an underwater plant? When it’s anemone.
- Why shouldn’t you ask a fish vendor for help?
Because they’re selfish.
- What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?
- What’s the fish that makes this sound “ shhhhhhhhhhhhh” ?
The fried fish.
- What do you call a man and a woman who own a fishing store?
Rod and Annette.
- What do you call a fish that is not smart?
A dumb bass.
- I met a fish from the future and asked him what his favorite genre of music was. He answered:
- The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips…
And even that I take with a pinch of salt.
- My child will not eat fish, what can I replace it with?
A cat. Cats love fish.
- What did the fish 🐟 get on his math test?
A sea plus.
- I’m sorry for all the fish puns.
I feel so GILL-ty.
- I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
- Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
- A Newfie went ice fishing and heard a voice say, “There’s no fish there.” He gets up and goes a few feet further. Digs a hole and starts fishing again. Again, he hears the voice: “There’s no fish there.” Looking up, the Newfie says, “Is that you, Lord?” To which the voice replied, “No. It’s the Manager of the Arena.”
- What game show do fish love the most?
Name that tuna!
- Did you hear about the evil tuna?
He was rotten to the albacore.
- How do fish go into business?
They start on a small scale!
- How do you make a goldfish old?
You take away the “g.”
- Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
- What did the goldfish say when he got fed?
- How do you make a goldfish age?
Take out the “g” and “fish.”
- What do you call a group of singing fish?
A choral reef.
- What’s weirder than seeing a cat fish?
Watching a goldfish bowl.
- Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he’s a bronze fish.
- What did the tunafish sandwich who woke up in Oz say?
“I’ve got a feeling we’re not in cans-us anymore.”
- What did the fish artist say to the art curator about his latest piece?
“Hey, would you mind letting minnow what you think about this one?”
- What did the fish dating guru say to the hopeful sea bass?
“If you’re going for roe-mance, you’ll want to consider the caviar.”
- How much money does Gill Gates have?
About a gillion dollars.
- Why aren’t there every any job openings at the fish company?
They’ve been scaling back.
- What did one fatty tuna say to the other?
“We’re in this together, toro and toro.”
- What does the telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up?
“Cod I have a moment of your time?”
- What do you call a singing fish?
- Which fish is the biggest tool?
A hammerhead shark.
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